Short jokes
What's black, white, and red all over? A nun on her period.
Why does Miss Piggy douche with honey?
Because Kermit likes his pork sweet and sour.
What does a squirrel eat? Deez Nutz in their mouth.
Yeah, Asians have squinty eyes, but that's because they have had the displeasure of seeing so many ugly obese Americans in one place.
Have you heard of the show Naked and Afraid?
That's what I call hide and seek with my uncle.
Why are black men's eyes always red after sex?
From the mace.
Why should you keep English gay activists away from neo-nazis?
British cigarettes get smoked easily.
What do you call a 5th grader with no friends?
Sandy Hook survivor.
What's the difference between a black Jew and a white Jew?
The black Jew sits in the back of the oven.
My mom picked my major.
How is tightrope walking like getting a blowjob from someone ugly?
If you want to enjoy either, you absolutely can’t look down.
How does a woman scare their gynecologist?
By becoming a ventriloquist.
No, I don't want to fight, so I shall kill you (so we won't fight)!
Help! I got my brother pregnant.
Where does bad light end up at?
In prism.
Gay gang members don't do drive-bys, they do fruit roll-ups.
James Last, the king of the LP bargain bin, died a Florida Man.
How did Donald Trump win Alabama twice?
By declaring that he has a crush on his daughter!
What's the difference between Donald Trump and Derek Vinyard?
A shaved head, a chest tattoo, and a moustache.
What did Donald Trump serve Justin Trudeau at the state dinner?
Poutine in traditional Russian dressing!