Short jokes
Why do women wear panties with flowers on them?
In loving memory of all the faces that have been buried there.
Surveys show that 80% of women who wear yoga pants never do yoga.
And 100% of men don’t care.
What's the difference between a casino and a church?
You actually mean it when you pray at a casino.
How do you get a smoking hot body as a senior?
Cremation.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
Jokes are like Indians.
They never die, they just get reincarnated.
When you know that everyone thinks you're a hoe.
WHEN Y'ALL ARE MY HOES!
That feeling when elbow surgery was yesterday.
I've decided that from January 1st, I'm only going to watch things that are 4K and above.
It's my New Year's resolution.
What did the blind kid say after receiving a cheese grater for Christmas?
"This is the most violent book I’ve ever read."
What did the sushi say to the bee?
Wa sa Bee.
Why do girls only stay in odd groups of friends?
Because they literally can't even.
Why are pirates named pirates?
Cuz they arrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!
What do you call a German that can not see?
A Not-see.
Why should you put an autistic person in a refrigerator?
Because otherwise you’ll get a rotten vegetable.
(Not meant to be triggering).
Why do ableist people hate autistics?
They're scared they'll never be special enough.
What is the autistic woman’s favorite Dorito flavor?
Neurospicy.
What did the autistic man order at McDonald’s?
Ass Burgers.
What Minecraft mob do autistic people relate to the most?
The Enderman.
Why don’t autistic people like Autism Speaks?
They’re jealous that autism can speak.
(This is not meant to be triggering, sorry if it is).