Short jokes

Taking an emo kid grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!

The Twin Towers were like a woman stuck in the washer machine. They both got freed.

What do JFK’s killer and a prostitute have in common?

“They both blow heads.”

Why is no one friends with Dracula? Because he's a pain in the neck.

What's the easiest way to get straight A's? Use a ruler.

My teachers told me I'd never amount to much because I procrastinate so much.

I told them, "Just you wait!"

What do you call a pile of kittens? A meowntain.

My career is worth more than your adoption.

What do you call nuts on a chin?

My penis in your mouth.

I have (I HAVE) bolas.

If there are 4 Mexicans in a van, which of them is driving?

None of them. Immigration service is.

How do you know if a black lady’s pregnant?

You put a banana up her vagina and see if any little monkeys come and get it.

What is another name for a serial rapist? Short dress enthusiast.

Why are they called "breaking news" in the entire world?

Because they are breaking the whole entire news.

Why couldn't the NASA astronaut enter his rocket to leave Earth?

There wasn't enough space to fly it.

How do you start a fight in space?

"Comet me, bro."

What does an Irish bowler put in his hands to guarantee a wicket next ball?

A bat.

What did the spectator miss when going to the toilet?

The entire English innings.

I looked up how fast cum shoots and it said 28 mph. That means that ejaculation is illegal in school zones!

Q: What did Donald Trump say after America gave him the boot?

A: What am I supposed to do with one boot?