Short jokes

What do you call an emo hosting a charity event?

Fund razor.

What do you call 2 emos making out in a science classroom?

My Chemical Romance.

"Baka Johnny, fat baka."

A kid went and got a haircut. The day after, he went to school, and a friend says, "I like your cut." He replies, "Which one?"

What do you call a failure in another language?

Me.

What does "the whole pile of poops" mean?

"The whole pile of shits."

I wish the doctor would prescribe me some medicine that's actually useful, like cyanide.

Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?

It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.

"Have you driven through Dealey Plaza? It will blow your mind."

~John F. Kennedy

Have you seen the inside of Ford's Theatre? It will blow your mind. ~Abraham Lincoln

Husband: Can we try anal tonight? Wife: Fuck that shit! Husband: That's the spirit!

If a man is willing to try his hardest to give you the moon and stars, then ladies, you should be willing to give up Uranus.

Went swimming today and peed in the deep end. The lifeguard saw me and blew his whistle so loud I almost fell in.

God died for your sins, so basically if you don't sin then Jesus died for nothing.

I have the brains of an old man and the heart of a child. If you don't believe me, I can pop my trunk.

At baseball practice...

"Hey John, did you bring the bucket of balls?"

"No, but I got two right here."

Why did Helen Keller sign the n-word?

She thought she was black.

The emo was having computer problems because they had troubleshooting.

You say to your slow friend: "Damn, you're slower than Stephen Hawking!" And that takes some talent.

What did the depressed kid do in P.E.? They played with the jump rope, but they used it the wrong way.