Short jokes

Your momma is so hairy that when you were born, you got rug burn.

One thing you can ask Mario:

"Can you jump up and down for me?"

What did Nemo say to the emo?

"Be careful, you can't Nemo your way out of emo."

I went to the super market one day and I saw a Caesar salad for 69 dollars. Next minute someone comes up to me and says, "Caesar deez nutz!"

I can't tell what's farther, the Great Wall of China, or how far Paul Walker flew out of his windshield.

What is the worst thing to do at a funeral?

The corpse.

I ate Nemo.

You know the Twin Towers employees were supposed to meet a good football team. Instead, they just met the Jets.

Who is buried in the tomb of Alexander the Grape?

Alexander the raisin.

Your lips are so big, it turns the Grand Canyon sideways.

I was going to share my joke about anal, but, fuck it, it was inappropriate.

If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.

You've heard of anal sex.

You've heard of oral sex.

You've heard of genital sex.

But have you ever heard of NASAL SEX?

Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?

Little Johnny: "Your wife."

News: Ook! says an interviewed monkey.

Never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down.

Ha ha! Get rickrolled!

What did one candle say to the other?

"Want to go out tonight?"

How does a tree access the internet?

By logging in and branching out!

I met a gay guy last night.

Man, was he a pain in the ass.

I was thinking of starting up a stair company, but there were too many steps to it.