My girlfriend just broke up with me for talking about video games too much. What a stupid thing to Fallout 4.
Short Jokes
I don’t have a carbon footprint. I just drive everywhere.
Your mom is so ugly that she uses Snapchat filters to make her pretty.
Your mom is so ugly that she made a mirror shatter.
Your mom is so dumb that somebody told her, "Go get a life," so she went to play Super Mario and got a 1-up.
I found a book called "How to Solve 50% of Your Problems." So I bought 2.
If your house is cold, just stand in the corner. It's always 90 degrees there.
Why should you never throw grandpa's false teeth at a vehicle? You might denture car.
My boss said “dress for the job you want, not for the job you have.” So I went in as Batman.
What do you call a happy cowboy? A jolly rancher.
What's a cat's favorite instrument? Purr-cussion.
I went to the aquarium this weekend, but I didn’t stay long. There’s something fishy about that place.
What's the best thing about Switzerland? The flag is a big plus.
What is Hitler's least favorite fish?
Jewfish.
Your mom is so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Your mom is so stupid that she thought LGBTQ was a sandwich.
Yo mama so ugly, when I put her next to a naked mole rat, it said "bluetooth connected."
Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?
Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."
But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"
How can you tell Donald Trump is old and demented?
He can't distinguish between tanned people and cockroaches!
For all the talk of Donald Trump loving America, most of his lovers are imported from Eastern Europe.
