Once you’ve seen a shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
Mary: If you born pikin (child) inside shop, wetin you go call that pikin (child)?
Mike: The pikin (child) go bear Bishop.
Why did the Twin Towers go shopping?
To get some plane bread.
Where do orphans shop?
Home Bargains.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they get a corner, they build a shop on it.
A woman decides to have a face lift for her 50th birthday.
She spends $15,000 and looks sensational. On her way home, she stops at a news stand to buy a newspaper. Before leaving, she says to the clerk, “I hope you don’t mind my asking, but how old do you think I am?”
“About 32,” is the reply.
“Nope! I’m exactly 50,” the woman says happily.
A little while later she goes into McDonald’s and asks the counter girl the very same question.
The girl replies, “I’d guess about 29.” The woman replies with a big smile, “Nope, I’m 50.”
Now she’s feeling really good about herself. She stops at a candy shop on her way down the street.
She goes up to the counter to get some mints and asks the assistant the same burning question.
The clerk responds, “Oh, I’d say 30.”
Again she proudly responds, “I’m 50, but thank you!”
While waiting for the bus to go home, she asks an old man waiting next to her the same question.
He replies, “Lady, I’m 78 and my eyesight is going. Although, when I was young there was a sure-fire way to tell how old a woman was. It sounds very forward, but it requires you to let me put my hands under your bra. Then, and only then I can tell you EXACTLY how old you are.”
They wait in silence on the empty street until her curiosity gets the better of her. She finally blurts out, “What the hell, go ahead.”
He slips both of his hands under her blouse and begins to feel around very slowly and carefully. He bounces and weighs each breast and he gently pinches each nipple. He pushes her breasts together and rubs them against each other.
After a couple of minutes of this, she says, “Okay, okay... How old am I?”
He completes one last squeeze of her breasts, removes his hands, and says, “Madam, you are 50.”
Stunned and amazed, the woman says, “That was incredible, how could you tell?”
“I was behind you at McDonalds’."
why did the chicken cross the road, because on his side there was a kfc shop
Why can't Kobe go shopping?
He's dead.
Yesterday my mom forgot to go grocery shopping, and I was starving, so I kept opening the fridge about 100 times, but nothing new was in there.
McNeill's mom wrote a shopping list for supper:
cabbage _50
Carrots-50
Cooking fat -100
Onions_20
Tomato-20
salt-10
Total=250
She gave McNeill the list to get the ingredients.
McNeill took long to return home from the shopping.
His mom decided to call McNeill to ask why are taking long. McNeill answered, "I have all the ingredients, but I'm looking for total."
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
I went to the shops and still didn’t find Lucy’s dad.
What store does an orphan hate?
Family Tree.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" At the butcher shop"
What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops? Guardians of the Galaxy🌌
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.
My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!
