Shop jokes
Why are orphans banned from the shop?
No adult to pay for them.
I went to the shops and still didn’t find Lucy’s dad.
What store does an orphan hate?
Family Tree.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a shopping bag?
One is made of plastic and bad for kids; the other one holds shopping.
Why don't Indians play soccer?
Because every time they take a corner, they open up a shop.
"I work with animals," a man said on his Tinder date. "That's so sweet," she replies. "I love a man who works with animals. Where do you work?" "At the butcher shop!"
What do you call security guards working outside of Samsung shops?
Guardians of the Galaxy. 🌌
Yankee Doodle went to town riding on a pony. He opened up a pasta shop and made some macaroni.
Why don't Pakis play football? Every time they get a corner, they build a shop.
Given that it's a major guarantee that little boys' underwear will be half off at Kmart thanks to the blue light specials, now you know why Michael Jackson likes to loiter around the store all day long.
My forehead blew up because I saw yours at the forehead shop!
Where do orphans get their stuff from?
The reject shop.
*walks into sex shop*
Hello. I would like to buy 1 sex, please.
What's Juice WRLD's favorite place to shop at?
Answer: Forever 21.
Little Johnny walked into an ice cream shop and asked: "Do you have chocolate filled ice cream?"
The man replies: "We are out of that, sorry, we are almost out of every single flavor, do you want me to get you a vanilla filled one?"
Johnny replies: "Sure."
After that, the man asks for Johnny's phone and goes to back of the store. 5 minutes later, the man comes with an ice cream and Johnny's phone.
Johnny asks: "How much for the ice cream?"
The man replies: "Nothing, it's on the house."
After Johnny ate his delicious ice cream, he searched for his watch history. And then Johnny realized the flavor of the ice cream.
Why did the emo go to the store?
To buy bleach.
What did the emo kid say to the cashier? ... "Scan my wrists."
My 14 year old daughter went shopping at a grocery story.
She gets to the register and she asked the cashier to scan her scarred wrist.
The cashier scanned it and replied with, "Ma'am this item is worthless."
My friend, while we are shopping and I'm telling her about my mental illness: "You're priceless."
When we get to the checkout: "I'm actually $2.50."
The other day, me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts. I was wearing a black top; she was wearing a stripy top. We were arguing about who was more creative when she asked me to prove that I am. I just said, "You buy your stripes, I make mine."