Shes Jokes

Little Johnny walked into class with a black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have a black eye?"

Johnny said, "Well, me and my parents have to share a bed, and my dad asked me if I was asleep and I said no, so he smacked me."

The teacher said, "Well tonight, don't say anything."

The next day, Johnny walked in with another black eye, and the teacher said, "Why do you have another black eye?" Little Johnny said, "Well, last night, I did what you said and didn't say anything when my dad asked me if I was asleep. A few minutes later, my dad said he was coming, and my mom said she was coming too. They usually don't go anywhere without me so I said 'Wait for me, I'm coming too.'"

Lil Johnny's teacher wanted to play an alphabet game, so she said, "What word starts with A?" Lil Johnny raised his hand fast, but she knew that he would say "ass," so she picked on Sally and she said, "Apple." She said, "What word starts with B?" Little Johnny raised his hand as fast as he could, but she knew that he would say something like "bitch," so she picked on Emmanuel and Emmanuel said, "Banana." She went all the way to W. Little Johnny raises hand as fast as he could again, and the teacher thought of a cuss word that could start with the letter W. She could not think of a cuss word that could start with W, so she called on Little Johnny. Little Johnny said, "Wow." The teacher said, "Good job." Then Little Johnny said, "Like wow, two elephants fucking!"

Yo mama is so stupid, she took her dog to the vet because she thought he had a tube of lipstick stuck between his legs.

What did Cinderella say when she got to the ball? "Olgh..."

Yo mama so fat I bet if she farted, the whole Universe go Ba-Ba-Ba-Ba-BOOM.

Yo mama so stupid... she stared at an orange juice carton because it said, "CONCENTRATE!"

Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

Who was the meanest man in the world?

He raped Helen Keller and threw her down a well, but not before cutting off her fingers so she couldn't yell for help.

Why can’t Helen Keller drive?

It’s because she’s dead.

My girlfriend is incredibly sad since her cat has disappeared.

I am quite sure now that I misunderstood something when she asked me to eat her pussy--and I am beginning to think that I did not get the "fuck her doggy" part either.

I fiddled your mum last night, she fucking moaned like a fucking wilder beast.

Yo mama so fat, when she goes to get grapes off a bush, the bush says, "Bitch, I never thought they can grow that big!"

Gutted rn... the girl I loved hard just got in a relationship. She liked me too so I missed the chance. Idk if she still does... man...

Jack and Jill went up a hill, each with a buck and a quarter.

Jill came down, and she had two-fifty! Oh, what a whore! (Andrew Dice Clay joke.)

Yo mama is so ugly, if she got a pound for every boy that found her unattractive, boys would find her attractive.

Your mom said I was ugly. I told her she couldn’t see her belly button because she was so fat. She said, “I thought I was the only one without one!”

Yo mama so fat, she broke the stairway to heaven.

She said she was hungry. So I fucked her in the ass and gave her a chili dog.

My sister was hitting on my boyfriend. I'm 11, she's 9. She said, "Go f-ck yourself," so I said, "Okay, thanks for the idea!"

Lady: Will you fuck me?

Man: No, I don’t have a penis.

Lady pulls down man's pants and looks in them. "Yes, you do!" she says.

Man: Oh, I forgot it was there.