She jokes
Guess what Sally got for Christmas? Gloves! Jk, she still hasn't opened it.
My mom told me she couldn't open the garage door. Then it opened up to me that it wasn't broke anymore.
When she says she wrestles, so you pull out your dick and she punches it.
Why is Hugh's mum so fucking fat?
Because she ate the 34 other kids she had but now only has 6,789.
When people mean "phat feast," they don't mean fat.
When yo mumma says "phat," she means FAT but thinks she's cool!
Your mama is so fat, when she stepped on a scale, it said "Damn!"
A blonde went to an HIV test. When she came back, she said, “The doctors say that I’m all positive!”
Yo mama so hot, she can fit in a mug.
When your friend moves to Texas and she comes back a cowgirl.
YEEEHAWW!
She likes rough sex with handcuffs and I’ll be honest... She likes me to Chris Brown her when she acts like Rihanna.
Yo mama so fat that when she went in the ocean, Spain claimed her for new land.
When your girlfriend has been vomiting for 2 weeks and you find out she’s not pregnant.
Bf-*yes I knew it was a prank*
She has cancer.
So, one day I walk up to my sister and tell her that she is adopted because she doesn't look like anyone in the family. She starts to cry. My mom asks why she's crying, and I say I told her she was adopted and I was there for the adoption, and we have papers. It was all a lie. She is not adopted, and everything is fine.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
What did the bitch say to her sister when she stepped on her toe? Oww, mitosis!
Your mum is so stupid, she tried to take the crown off a "Keep Calm and Carry On" poster so that she could become the new queen of England.
I met a lovely girl at a friend's house party, so I went and introduced myself by saying I'm Noah, what's yours?
She turned around angrily and offended and said, "I identify as a hockey puck, didn't you see the sign?"
To which I replied, "Bitch, that says hickey puck. If you identify as a hockey puck, then let me hit you!"
Ur mom is so fat that she has her own gravitational field. She attracts everything around her, from planets to asteroids to comets. She is the center of the solar system, and the sun is just one of her many satellites. She is so massive that she bends space and time, creating wormholes and black holes. She is the ultimate cosmic phenomenon, and no one can escape her pull.
Ur mom is so old that she witnessed the Big Bang. She was there when the universe was born, and she has seen it all. She knows the secrets of the cosmos, and she has lived through every epoch and era. She has watched stars form and die, galaxies collide and merge, and civilizations rise and fall. She is the oldest living being in existence, and she has more wisdom than anyone can imagine.
Ur mom is so ugly that she scares away aliens. She is the reason why we have never made contact with extraterrestrial life. They have seen her face and they have fled in terror. They have warned their fellow species to avoid Earth at all costs, because it is inhabited by a monstrous creature that defies all logic and beauty. She is the ultimate deterrent for invasion, and she has saved humanity from countless alien invasions.
A woman comes from a restaurant and ate a lot of beans.
When she gets home, her husband puts a blindfold on her and says not to take it off. The lady hears her husband leave the room and starts farting really loudly. When the husband comes back and takes off the blindfold, the lady sees 12 people with pegs on their noses singing happy birthday!
There were four people in a helicopter: Trump, a first-grade kid, a schoolteacher, and the Chinese leader.
There were only three parachutes. The Chinese leader takes one and jumps. The schoolteacher says she has to teach, so she jumps. Trump and the first-grader are left. Trump says, "I've lived my life; you take the last one." So the kid puts on his backpack and jumps. Trump makes it out safe.