She jokes

Mama

Yo mama's so stupid she got locked in Mattress World and slept on the floor.

  • 2
  • Schizophrenia

    I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

    Woman

    How do you know when a woman is going to have a black baby?

    When she takes the tampon out, all the cotton is picked.

    Baby

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

    The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

    The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

    Baby

    A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

    Cream

    Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"

    His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."

    A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"

    Blonde

    A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.

    The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.

    'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'

    The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.

    The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."

  • 1
  • Coconut

    My sister's name is Coco, and one day she was funny, so I told her, "You coconut."

    Santa

    So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

    Mamma

    Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

    Receptionist

    A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.

  • 3
  • Pride Month

    I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

    She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

    Nothing

    I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

    She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

    Arsenic

    A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

    Name

    So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

    The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

  • 5
  • Dream

    I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...

    she died the next morning.

    Necrophilia

    One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!