She jokes

I decided to visit Saudi Arabia with my girlfriend.

She and I learned they celebrate Pride month by throwing stones.

Did you hear about the lesbian midget? She probably came out of the cabinet.

I don't think my girlfriend likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.

So I asked my mom for a bath bomb, she just gave me a toaster.

A man saw a lady with big breasts. He asked, "Excuse me, can I bite your breasts for $1000?" She agrees, so they go to a secluded corner. She opens her blouse and the man puts his face in her breasts for 10 minutes. Eventually, the lady asks, "Aren't you gonna bite them?" He replies, "No, it's too expensive."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: “That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen! Ugh!”

The woman goes to the rear of the bus and angrily sits down. She says to a man next to her “The driver just insulted me!”

The man says: “You go right up there and tell him off! Go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you.”

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

A receptionist at the Twin Towers orders two pepperoni pizzas. She was upset when she got two planes.

One night, I saw a woman sitting behind a dumpster. So I took her home. We talked all the way there. When we got home, I gave her a bath. Later on, things started getting passionate. We started doing intercourse, and some of the noises she made you would have thought she was still alive!

Little Johnny is watching his mum rubbing cold cream on her face, and he asks her, "Why are you rubbing that stuff on your face, mother?"

His mother replies, "To make myself beautiful, Johnny."

A few minutes later, she starts rubbing the cream off with a tissue. Johnny says to her, "What is the matter? Are you giving up?"

Yo mama so poor, she can't even pay attention.

Yo mamma so stupid when a robber stole her TV, she ran after him saying, "You forgot the remote!"

So a girl goes to Santa in the mall, and Santa asks what she would like for Christmas. So the kid says: “a little sister”. So then Santa says: “bring me your mother!”

Why is it that when Donald Trump and Melania make love, she is always on top?

Donald Trump can only F@#k up.

Here’s a trick I learned to do on the calculator.

Sally had 69 boobs (69) which was too too too many (69222), so she went to the doctor on 51st street (6922251), and he said to take a certain pill 8 times a day (6922251 times 8), which left her (flip your calculator over)

Boobless.

I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.

She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.

So there's this uncle of female and male twins, and his sister, the mother of the twins, is stuck trying to think of a name for the children. The uncle says, "I've got an idea!", and the mother gets excited, thinking this could be it. She says, "What should their names be?"

The uncle replies, "Well for your daughter, Denise." "That's a nice name," comments the mother, "but what about my son?" The uncle simply replies, "Denephew".

Roses are red, violets are blue. Your mom isn't here because she doesn't love you.

I told a diabetic girl to have sweet dreams...

she died the next morning.

I saw a man trying to rape a girl. I decided to help. She didn't stand a chance against both of us.