Sex jokes
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common?
By the time you're done with the breasts and the thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
What do the names Alan and Jordan have in common?
An.
Roses are red, Violets are blue, How many bananas can I fit, Maybe two?
Adam and Eve had sex. It was paradise.
When your little brother hears noise from your room and you're the only one in it.
Q: What’s the hardest thing about fucking a dude with a dildo?
A: Making sure he doesn’t wake up.
*funny joke about dicks*
On a bus, a priest sat next to a drunk who was struggling to read a newspaper.
Suddenly, with a slurred voice, the drunk asked the priest:
"Do you know what arthritis is?"
The parish priest soon thought of taking the opportunity to lecture the drunk and replied:
"It's a disease caused by sinful and unruly life: excess, consumption of alcohol, drugs, marijuana, crack, and certainly lost women, prostitutes, promiscuity, sex, binges, and other things I dare not say."
The drunk widened his eyes, shut up, and continued reading the newspaper.
A little later the priest, thinking that he had been too hard on the drunk, tried to soften:
"How long have you had arthritis?"
"I don't have arthritis! It says here in the paper that the Pope has it."
When Kenney goes down on his mom, does he taste vegetable or fish?
Roses are red, violets are blue, my bed has room for 2 ;)
"Having too much sex can result in memory loss."
I read that on page 37, paragraph five of the New England Medical Journal on September 15th, 2014, at 10:37 AM.
One time in the butt. Two times in the butt. Three times in the butt makes a slut hot and wet.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.
What do tofu and a dildo have in common? They are both meat substitutes.
Why are most West Virginians going to hell?
Their favorite pastimes (inbreeding and bestiality) are an abomination unto the Lord.
Fuck off!
Why was Mrs. Claus upset?
Because Santa only comes once a year.
I asked my Dad the other day, "At what age is it okay to have sex with girls?"
He replied, "When they leave school, son, they are legal."
Apparently, 3:15 p.m. is not what he meant.
What do you call nuts on a chin?
My penis in your mouth.
Money is power, and power is sex. Sex is ex, and ex is virgin.