Sex jokes

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Don’t worry, it’s too long.

If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

Elsa got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wanted to try anal.

She wasn't too keen, but she just lay back and shouted "INTO THE UNKNOWN!"

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.

Why is my dick like a balloon?

The more you blow it, the bigger it gets.

What’s the best thing about fucking twenty-eight year olds?

There’s twenty of them!

Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.

Doctor: Sex is good for you!

How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.

What do you call a dino stripper?

A dinohore.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

'Cause he was stuck to the chicken.

What hangs low?

Balls.

The news of the brother getting sucked off regularly by his sister spread really fast... all over her face 🤤.

What’s the difference between an epileptic corn shucker and a prostitute with diarrhea?

The epileptic corn shucker “shucks between fits”...

What did Joe say when he saw his girlfriend sleeping with his sister?

Nothing, he just started wanking.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.

What's the difference between Isaac Newton and the baby I just stabbed?

Isaac Newton died a virgin.

It was Christmas time for Little Johnny. He was going to make some cookies and milk for Santa until he heard shaking and moaning from his mother's bedroom.

He thinks, "Meh, Dad's probably back from the grocery store."

But 2 seconds later, he heard a "Ho Ho Ho Oh YEAH!" and then a slap. He opens the door. He finds Santa riding on his 19-year-old mom. He asks, "Santa, when did you get here and WHAT are you doing?"

Santa replied, "Your mother asked for her 'milk jar' to be filled, and that's what I am doing."

Johnny says, "Oh. But, Mom, you told me Dad was here, well where is he?"

(Santa winks at you)

My cock, lmao.