Sex jokes

"Prostitutes love their jobs; they're always having a blast!"

What’s the similarity between my dick and my girlfriend?

I beat both of them.

The popular girl told me, "I bet your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory!"

Two weeks later, she shows up pregnant.

...

I guess her rubber broke too.

*funny joke about dicks*

What’s the difference between women and condoms?

There isn’t a difference; they’re both throw aways.

So, no head?

What do ya call a legless prostitute in a strawberry field?

A jammy cunt.

How can you tell if your sister is on her period?

Your father's dick tastes funny.

Child: "Mom, what's an 'orgasm'?"

Mom: "I don't know, dear. Try asking your father."

While fucking a hot auntie, pressing tightly her boobs and fondling, He: What do you feed your babies? She: Milk and orange juice. He: Wow, which side is orange juice? 😋

A boy walks into class with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Another boy walks in with a shirt, pants, underwear, and socks. The teacher says, "Where have you been?" The boy says, "On a peach hill."

Then a girl walks in, and the teacher says, "And where on earth have you been?" The girl says, "Well, you see..." Then the teacher stops her and says, "Let me guess, on a peach hill?" The girl says, "No, on 2 big cucumbers."

So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.

The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"

What's the useless skin around the vagina? A woman.

You wanna hear a joke about my penis?

Don’t worry, it’s too long.

If God didn’t mean for us to have sex with 11-year-old girls, why did he make them so sexy and so much physically weaker?

What starts with "s" and ends with "erm"? SuperM.

This means both "matrix" and "master" so take out the "u" and then you just get "master". When you think of sperm, you think of porn. If you're a master at something, you're also a star at it. So you get porn star.

Elsa got a boyfriend, and the boyfriend wanted to try anal.

She wasn't too keen, but she just lay back and shouted "INTO THE UNKNOWN!"

Q: How did Burger King get Dairy Quinn pregnant?

A: He forgot to wrap his whopper 🍆🍔.

Roses are red, Violets are blue, Lay on the bed, So I can fuck you.

Why do women always have sex with the lights off?

Because they never like to see a man having a good time.