Sex jokes
What do you get when you cross a deer and a pickle?
A dildo.
Why do people have sex?
Because they like going "Ahhhhhhhhhhh fuck me, bitch, I love you!"
Surprise sex is the best thing to wake up to.
Unless you are in prison.
Why is my pee pee 2 inches in length but 5 in girth?
If you wait for a woman to get 9 months pregnant and kill her, you will never be able to stop the loop.
Why do they call my dick section 8?
Because all the hoes are on it.
So, I heard Bounty, the maker of paper towels, has decided to get into the Male Enhancement business...
...their new slogan?
The Quicker Pecker Upper.
Why do cannibals love sex? They can make their own food.
I'd make a masturbation joke.
But they always get out of hand.
The man told the women, “Roses are red, violets are blue, you suck cock and you enjoy it too.”
Then she said that's true.
What's the difference between a screw and a hooker? You can't unscrew the hooker.
How do fuck a really fat chick?
Roll her in flour and look for the wet spot.
Why'd I cum all over your mummy's panties? 'Cause she's hot af.
LOLOLOOLOLLOL
Who is the definition of a natural-born cocksucker?
A bisexual male, a homosexual male, a bisexual female, or a heterosexual female?
A physically disabled heterosexual male.
What is a glory hole at the adult bookstore used for?
campaign contribution to the Republican Party.
What do you call sex with a hoover?
Clean sex.
What’s something you can say at the funeral but also in bed?
"Damn, that's really stiff!"
I caught my sister licking up and down and deep throating a banana. I said, "Why are you doing that for?" She replied, "I'm doing it for practice for your friends."
What do you call it when two transgender midgets have sex?
And microtransaction.
Why is bungee jumping similar to a condom?
Because if the rubber snaps, you're fucked.