Sex jokes

It ain't always easy having erectile dysfunction, but it sure as hell ain't hard.

Why is Santa always so happy? Because he knows where all the naughty girls live.

What is 6.9?

A beautiful thing ruined by a period.

How do you make it hard for a rapist who is trying to rape you? Rub it.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?

What's the difference between a rooster and a prostitute?

The rooster says... "cock-a-doodle-doo." The prostitute says... "any cock will do."

What's the difference between a dog and a rapist?

At least the rapist adds a bit of foreplay before he starts humping people.

Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marijuana. Jack got high and touched Jill's thigh and said, "I know you wanna." Jill said yes, took off her dress, and then they had some fun. But silly Jill forgot her pills, and now they have a son.

Men wake up with a boner.

Women wake up yawning.

Coincidence?

Little Johnny catches his parents going at it and says, "Hey dad! Whatcha doin'?"

His father says, "I'm filling your mom's tank."

Johnny says, "Oh yeah, well, you better get a model that gets better mileage because the milk man filled her up this morning."

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

Why are vaginas and the Mariana Trench similar? Lots of seamen go missing there.

What did the hurricane say to the coconut tree?

Hold on to your nuts, this ain't no ordinary blowjob.

What does a pulse and an orgasm have in common?

I don't care if she has one.

Don’t have phone sex without protection, you might get hearing aids!

What did the wind say to the palm tree? "Hold onto your nuts, this is no ordinary blow job."

What’s black, white, and red all over?

An ethnic orgy.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."