Sex jokes
I was at the club and then my dad walked up and said, "You're 15, why are you high and at the club?" So I ran. Then my uncle was at the car and took me home, so I was grounded. Then my boyfriend came because my parents went out and we had sex and we were very loud. My dad came home and walked in. He had my boyfriend pin me against the wall so my dad could spank me.
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
"Jizzy jazz all over my ass."
What does a condom and a coffin have in common?
They both still have stiffs, but one is coming and one is going.
What's the difference between having sex with my girlfriend and a baby?
I don't have a girlfriend.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
Have you ever tried sex when camping?
It's f***ing intense.
What is the difference between anal sex and a microwave? A microwave doesn't brown your meat.
Why couldn't the lizard get a girlfriend?
Because he had a reptile dysfunction!
Did you hear about the guy who got fired for having sex with his clients?
He was a great veterinarian.
Dear doctor,
I've heard it's a good sign when women scream your first name during sex, but recently women have been screaming my full name. It's weird, I feel like I'm famous. Can you tell me what this means?
Yours Truly, Ray Palp
There was an illegal alien woman who wanted to be called "undocumented." So, I had "undocumented" sex with her and threatened to have her deported if she reported me for rape. I'd call it even.
Life's like a dick. Women make it hard for no reason.
Teacher: Can someone tell me the only living thing that can reproduce without sex?
Little Johnny: "Your wife."
What can you say both at a funeral and during sex?
This would be much better if you were alive.
Why do a woman like to have sex with the lights off?
They can't stand to see a man have a good time.
"Mmmmmmmm, daddy, f*ck me harder. I love you, daddy, mmmm. I luv your cock, mmmm, lick me, lick my clit, daddy!"
Q: Why was Barbie kicked out of the toy box?
A: She sat on Pinocchio's face and said, "Lie to me!"
I love to have sex. And my name is Lex. Which one should I be with next? I really hate my ex. I just saw a huge T Rex, And I think you probably saw this text.
Welcome for the rhyme.
Money is power, and power is sex. Sex is ex, and ex is virgin.