Sex jokes
Q: What does a dead prostitute and a swimming pool have in common?
A: They're both cold when you first get in, but warm up after a few strokes.
Q. What's a dog's favourite type of sex? A. Ruff.
My conversion therapy done worked. Now I only sleep with my sister and not my brother.
Q. What do Kenny's dick and this joke have in common?
A. They're both really short.
In death, what is the only organ in a woman's body to remain warm?
My dick.
What do physically handicapped gay men do after they are done belching? They wipe their mouths on their light blue handkerchiefs after they are done sucking cocks.
What's the hardest thing when working with the severely mentally handicapped?
My dick.
What's the difference between sand and a dildo? Sand has never gone up my ass.
A woman is lying in bed after making love to her lover. After a moment, she starts to roll over, and in the process, she realizes that the spent condom is still inside her.
Worried, she wakes up her lover. She asks, “What should we do about this?” To which he replies: “Who was it?”
What is the best type of girl to fuck?
Homeless girls, because after, you can drop them off anywhere.
My mom showed me that she could deep throat a banana. I asked how you know how to do that. My mom said, "I practice on your stepfather."
I used to be a man in a woman’s body. And then I was born.
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle Dave...
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
What does broccoli and sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you’re gonna hate it as an adult.
What's the difference between apples and dead babies?
I don't ejaculate on apples before I eat them.
Once I got out of bed, my butt hurt afterward.
If her age is on the clock, she gets the cock.
Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.
You're gay.
Bro, I am straighter than the pole that your mom dances on for me every night.