Sex jokes
Seriously, who wants dicks?
Why would a vegetarian never moan during sex?
They don't wanna admit that a piece of meat made them happy.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
Q. What do you call anal sex with a politician?
A. A backroom deal.
Little Red Riding Hood says to the wolf: "What a big dick you have!"
Wolf: "The better to f*** you with!"
What is white and comes out after you have sex?
Cum!
I'm so bored and miserable, that I have sex with my inflatable girlfriend every night.
The best part? She don't talk back.
What does your mother look like after I had sex with her eight times? An octopus.
What do you call sex?
Making cake.
F*ck me!
You masturbate...
AAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH
You won't get any Squirtle and Bulbasaur pets.
A sister went to her brother's room and says,
"I'm scared, can I sleep with you?"
"Yes, sis."
"What is this?" (pointing at his dick)
"My pet snake."
"Can I pet it?"
"Yes."
He wakes up in a hospital.
"What happened?"
"Your snake spit on me, so I bit his head off."
"You dummy!"
"Whaaat?"
Little Johnny walked in on his mom in the shower and said, "What's that on your chest, Mom?" Mom said, "Those are my headlights." Johnny: "Oh. What's that in between your legs, Mom?" Mom: "Oh, that's my bush." Johnny: "Oh, OK." Next, he walked in on his dad in the shower. He said, "Dad, what's that in between your legs?" Dad: "Oh, that's my snake." Johnny: "Oh, OK." That night, little Johnny walks in on his parents going at it and said, "Mom, turn on his headlights, there's a snake going in your bush!"
What do you call someone who hates rape jokes? An ugly feminist that couldn't get a cock in her mouth.
I am Cummer.
What do you call skeletons having sex?
When the relationship is dead, but you're still fucking.
What is the difference between interstate and intercourse?
Why is 69 annoying me? Oh, it's a tease.
What is the difference between hungry and horny?
The cucumber goes to different places.
Jesse: Do you like my ball?
Mike: Yes, they are very big. I can’t even fit them in my mouth. You bought a new ball, right?
Jesse: No, they do not leave me.