Sex jokes
What is a threesome with 3 guys?
Gay sex and a witness.
What’s the best part about fucking a dead bitch?
You don’t need consent.
My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Enter, backspace, enter, backspace, enter, backspace.
What do you call a physically disabled man who is sitting on the toilet inside the handicapped stall inside the men's restroom?
Sex worker.
I did phone sex, but I'll never do it again because last time my penis got stuck in the charging cord.
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said, "Honey, I'm flat chested." The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex.
The next day, the wife said, "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said, "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."
What's the difference between your job and a dead hooker?
Your job still sucks.
What do you call lesbians having sex?
My cheating dyke ex-wife!
You should always wash your sex toys. That's why priests baptize babies.
What is the second hardest thing in the morning?
Getting up.
When you’re trying to attract a partner, it’s important to project the qualities you desire. Shit, have I had to suck a lot of cock lately!?
Burger King got Dairy Queen pregnant during sex, cause he forgot to wrap his Whopper.
I have sex daily, I mean dyslexia, fuck!
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
What do lesbians and turtles have in common? They both choke on plastic.
What do you call a guy who has sex on the Moon?
An “Astronut”!
Kenny's dick is so small that instead of giving him a handjob, I gave him a thumb and forefinger job.
"I bet you can't tell me something that will make me both happy and sad at the same time," a husband says to his wife. She thinks about it for a moment and then responds, "Your penis is bigger than your brother's."