I walked into a room full of men masturbating. -- They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
What does a priest hold on to when having sex. He holds on to the schoolbag.
What do you call a herd of cows mastrabating? Beef Strokin' off
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely reponds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting but fell asleep.
what con you say both at a funeral and during sex???
this whould be much better if you where alive
What's green and smells like bacon?
Kermit's finger.
why did the zookeeper lose his job? for choking the chicken and spanking the monkey!
Little Timmy wanted to take a shower with his dad. His dad said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's dad said "that's Mr.wiggles". Timmy wanted to take a shower with his mom. Timmy's mom said don't look down. Timmy looked down. Timmy said "What's that?". Timmy's mom said "that's my garden". Timmy's mom said don't look up. Timmy looked up. Timmy said "What are those?". Timmy's mom said those are her headlights. Timmy wanted to sleep with his parents. His parents said don't look under the covers. Timmy looked under the covers. Timmy yelled "MOMMY, MOMMY, MR.WIGGLES IS ATTACKING YOUR GARDEN! TURN ON YOUR HEADLIGHTS!"
Little Jonny tried phone sex but the holes was too small.
Q: Whats the difference between an egg and me? A: an egg gets laid
A man comes home and hears her wife talking about having sex at the club, the man busts into the club with a revolver and says "WHO TF FUCKED MY WIFE" well everyone looks over and is quiet, and someone in the back says "mate you don't have enough bullets"
Some people ask why jokes exist, I say when a mommy and daddy love each other very much they have sex and they make another one of you
Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.
Sex is basically math. You add the bed. Subtract the clothes. Divide the legs to multiply inside.
Doctor: "Does your penis burn after intercourse?"
Patient: "I don't know. I never tried lighting it."
Hey guys Billy has this weird disability where when he has sex with someone he says there name really loud. Billy-Hey guys I just got back from my DADS!! Wait what Billy??
A couple is on their first date. Man: How do you feel about sex? Woman: I like it infrequently. Man: I see. Is that one word or two?
Why is baby shampoo the best anal lube?
No more tears.
What do you call two transgender midgets having sex? A microtransaction.
