Sex jokes
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
What is the difference between American teenage girls and Muslim teenage girls? -- American teenage girls get stoned *before* they have sex.
You can tell a lot about a woman from her ankles. If they are on your shoulders, she probably likes you.
My penis was in the Guinness Book of World Records. -- Then the librarian told me to take it out.
If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.
The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.
I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.
I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.
If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.
What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?
Their knees.
My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.
I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.