Sex jokes

If sex with three people is called a threesome and sex with four people is called a foursome, I guess now it's clear why everyone calls me handsome.

The furniture store keeps calling me back... But all I wanted was that one nightstand.

I was sitting next to this really hot Thai girl on the bus, and all I could think to myself was, "Don't get an erection, don't get an erection..." But she did.

I walked into a room full of men masturbating. They all looked shocked when I didn't stop.

If a woman sleeps with 10 men she's a slut, but if a man does it... He's gay, definitely gay.

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

My girlfriend is a porn star. -- She will kill me if she finds out.

I asked a Scottish friend of mine how many sexual partners he'd had. He started counting, but fell asleep.

Today I was asked to go out by 20 girls. -- I was in the women's bathroom.

What does Bill say to Hillary after sex? -- "Honey, I'll be home in 20 minutes."

My town's population never changes. Every time a girl gets pregnant, a guy leaves town.

If I were addicted to masturbation, and then became addicted to sex, would it be safe to say that my addiction got out of hand?

Why does Bill Clinton wear boxers? -- To keep his ankles warm.

I thought of having a threesome, but then I realized that if I wanted to disappoint two people at one time I might as well have dinner with my parents.

What do gay horses eat?

Horse dick.

Tits are like Lego bricks. They're there for the kid, but dad ends up playing with them.

"Son, I found a condom in your room."

"Gee, thanks, Grandpa!"

"Why are you calling me Grandpa?"

"Because I couldn't find it yesterday."

Why is the lesbian lifestyle so expensive? -- They're always eating out.

... and they buy Rolexes for their neighbors, because they wanna watch.

Yo mama is so nasty, she buys sex toys at the second-hand shop.

What's the number one pick up line at a gay bar?

"May I push your stool in?"