Sex

Sex jokes

I got a handjob from a blind woman the other day. She said, "It's the biggest thing I ever had in my hand." I said, "No love, you're just pulling my leg."

  • 4

    • My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.

    Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!

    That's the best I've done so far.

    So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

    And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

    This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

    "Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

    Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."

    You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.

    We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.

    Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.

    So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.

    My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.

    Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!

  • 0

    • I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."