I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"
I'm Gay.
The sky never changes color, but when it does, we know how your breath is increasing.
Vagina jokes aren't funny.
Most of the time.
What's the best part of having sex on a golf course?
The hole experience.
Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
