Why is Santa's sack so big?
He only comes once a year.
Sex Jokes
What's better than roses on a piano?
Tulips on an organ.
What do you do if your girlfriend starts smoking?
Stop and apply lubrication.
What's the difference between light and hard?
It's easy to get to sleep with a light on.
What's the difference between oral sex and anal sex?
Oral sex will make your whole day. Anal sex will make your hole weak.
What's the difference between a snowman and a snowwoman?
Snowballs.
How do you know if your wife is dead?
Sex is the same, but the dishes keep piling up.
What does a carpenter do after a one night stand?
The second nightstand.
Is sex a joke? Because I don't get it.
Which sex position produces the ugliest children?
Go ask your mother.
Why do pedophiles never win a race?
Because they are always coming in a little behind.
Why are quantum physicists so poor at sex?
Because when they find the position, they can't find the momentum, and when they have the momentum, they can't find the position.
I nailed my Jewish girlfriend so hard, she turned Christian.
What's the difference between a gay and a freezer?
The freezer doesn't fart when you pull the meat out.
A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?"
The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don't know if it's in yet."
"Yeah, that's the one!"
I have just started a sexual relationship with a blind woman. It's very rewarding, but quite challenging.
Took me ages to get her husband's voice right.
Two deer walk out of a gay bar. One of them turns to the other and says, "I can't believe I blew forty bucks in there."
My girlfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of her Honda Civic. But if I'm going to have sex, it's going to be on my own Accord.
What does a robot do at the end of a one night stand? -- He nuts and bolts.
What is the most sensitive part of a man's anatomy while he's masturbating?
His ears.
