Sex jokes
Gary and Steve are having sex and the phone rings. Steve goes to answer the phone and tells Gary, "Hey, don't finish yourself until I get back." After returning from the other room, there is cum all over the bed and wall of the bedroom. "Jesus, Gary, I said not to finish yourself until I got back!" Gary turns to him and says, "I didn't, I farted."
You know every time we think of sex, an angel dies.
We ran out of dead people hundreds of years ago.
What did the penis say to the condom?
"Cover me, I'm going in!"
What's thick, 12 inches, and in your mum's throat?
My penis.
What do women and peanut butter have in common?
They're both easy to spread.
Some people ask why jokes exist. I say, when a mommy and daddy love each other very much, they have sex, and they make another one of you.
So I was eating this girl out the other day, and I GOT AIDS. How does a 9-year-old give me AIDS? I guess my sister was hanging around the wrong crowd.
My favorite sex position is the JFK. I splatter all over her while she screams and tries to get out of the car.
Your mother is such a slut, she should be in the NFL hall of fame for the greatest wide receiver!
When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.
Having sex while camping is fucking in tents (intense).
I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, "Sex! Sex! Sex! Free sex tonight!" I said, "Wow!" Then her friend said, "She means 666-3629."
Your face with my cum.
What is the useless skin around the vagina called?
The woman.
How does Stephen Hawking charge his computer?
How does Stephen Hawking have sex? Keyboard sex!
Wife: I want to deep throat your dick.
Husband: let’s do this.
Wife: April foogjhmgkjgyukgyukfygkutkutkygfku5t!
Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
Penis.
When I masturbate, things cum.
When an old man does, no one cums.