Sex jokes

Chuck Norris is the only man that ever had sex with my wife and survived. Oh, how did I survive?

Fortunately, being her husband, I was the one person she wasn't fucking.

Me and my wife decided we would only smoke after sex.

I'm still on the first pack. She's up to 2 packs a week.

Did I tell you I finally got my wife to scream during sex? Yeah, you should have heard her the other day when I walked in on her.

My wife is so fat. After sex, I rolled over twice. I was still on top of the bitch!

When people say they get ho's: You don't get no ho's, the only ho's you get is in yo draws.

Roses are red, lemons are sour, spread your legs, give me an hour!

I once masturbated in the bathroom.

I was looking for something, for a little help.

Looked in the wardrobe and found something perfect.

I'LL NEVER SEE A TOOTHBRUSH THE SAME WAY AGAIN!

Sam and Amya like anal sex with each other.

Friend: I broke up with Sara.

Me: I know, she came over and I screwed her hard.

Friend: How did her pussy feel?

Me: After about 2 inches, it felt brand new.

Friend: What do you— HOLD UP. WHAT TF IS THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN!?!

Your mom said my cum tastes like Captain Crunch, bitch.

How did the pornstar cut herself while using a drill?

She was too used to grabbing the tip.

How fast is the speed of sex?

68 because at 69 you've got to turn around.

Wow, didn't know little Jhony jokes were so dark. Well, but what do you expect from a site with jokes about suicide, sex, and drugs? :-)

"Drugs?????" His eyes popped out. Well, I don't really know if there actually are-- and the exact ones... But there's so many kinds of jokes-- even chin jokes. :^))

And slice jokes!

What kind of "slices"?

Handy ones. ^_^

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

How did the man with a small penis become a rapist? His condom fell off.

What does Amy Rose like? Blue balls.

What is it that gay men can't get from having too much oral sex?

Erectile dysfunction.

I saw a pretty girl walking outside. I asked for her number.

We met up and began to have sex. She told me to turn over, which was weird. I felt a stinging pain in my ass all of a sudden.

A penis has a sad life.

His hair is a mess. His family is nuts. His neighbor is an asshole. His best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him. That's it for now.

I'm 14. I have had sex before. I have 206 bones in my body, but when I'm with my gf, I have 207.