Self Harm jokes

Slit your wrists.

I got so bad about cutting myself every time I went to the bathroom, I wanted to break my jacket zipper off and use that!

What's great about an emo pizza?

It cuts itself. Yay!

Are you a knife? Because damn, I want you inside of me ;)

Tomorrow is Christmas, and I'm giving myself a present that I can't wait to open. It's my wrist. (Yes, this was inspired by a Fall Out Boy song.)

What’s the difference between my lawn and my wrists?

Nothing, I cut both of them.

Got into a fight last night. We both had blades. He cut me deep. I thought I was gone, but he forgot to keep the water running.

Weird thing was that we were in the fight of our lives in the restroom and that guy kinda looked like me.

While writing my suicide note, I got a paper cut... it’s a start.

What do cutting boards and a suicidal teen's wrist have in common?

They both have cutting marks.

I wish my hair was depressed.

Cause then it would cut itself.

I slit my wrists.

Friend: Hey, wanna play hide and seek? Me: Sure, I've got a great spot! Me: *grabs knife and runs to my closet*

I wish my lawn was emo. Then it would cut itself.

We all hear cause we cut ourselves, right? I mean, JK.

Only if onions were emo, they'd cut themselves.

What's a depressed person's favorite drink?

Depresso expresso.

JK, bleach.

Do you know why I wish grass was emo? So it can cut itself.

Wanna hear somethin' ironic?

When one cutter tells another cutter to stop, but he himself can't stop cutting.

Even a psychopath is sympathetic when an onion self-harms!

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.