Sea jokes
What did the fish say to the beach?
"Long tide, no see!"
Why do sharks swim in salt water?
Because pepper water makes them sneeze.
Vladimir Putin, Donald Trump, and Angela Merkel are standing at the shore and are trying to impress each other with the accomplishments of their countries. Putin brags, "We have nuclear submarines which can stay underwater for six weeks without having to resurface!". Trump goes on, "Six weeks? That's nothing. I have the best submarines, they're underwater für at least three months!". Merkel is about to respond, when a giant steel colossus emerges from the sea. A hatch opens, a black uniform appears - "Heil Hitler! We need Diesel."
What do you get when a dinosaur farts?
A blast from the past!
When I was a child, my parents told me my uncle was 'sleeping with the fishes.' At first, I thought he bought a water bed, but I then discovered he was killed and buried at sea.
What did the taco say to the Sea Turtle? I like your shell!
What do mermaids put in the salads?
Sea cucumber.
I was going to tell a joke about emos in the sea, but it’s dead in the water.
Yo mama so fat, she the reason why Moses split the Red Sea.
What did the iceberg say to the Titanic?
"Go fuck yourself... at the bottom of the sea."
What do you call the place where an octopus is sitting? Octopied.
When your mama went to Sea World, the whales started singing, "We are family, even though you're fatter than me!"
What sea creature can add up? A octoplus.
A sailor drops anchor in a port and heads into the nearest pub. Everyone in the pub is whispering and pointing at him because of his odd-shaped body; he has a very muscular body, but a very tiny head on his shoulders.
As he orders his drink, he tells the bartender, "I'll explain. I get this in every port and town I visit. I caught a mermaid and she granted me three wishes if I would release her back into the sea. So I told her I wanted a yacht and, sure enough, she came through for me. Next, I asked for a million bucks and now I am set for life. Last of all, I asked her if I could have sex with her and her response was, 'I don't know how you can make love to me with your type of body.' So I asked her, 'How about a little head?'"
What does a cannibal call people in water?
Sea food.
What do you call gulls in the sea? Seagulls!
What is shark's favorite day?
Chewsday.
What kind of fish comes out at night?
A starfish.
What did the ocean say to the pirate? Nothing, it just waved.
Don't tell a Titanic joke, or you'll sink to a whole new low.