Screw Jokes

what's the difference between a screw and a hooker you cant unscrew the hooker

I find it best to screw people with memory loss, I mean, what's my grandma gonna do? Describe me to the cops?

How did Jesus become self sovern? He screws himself and becomes his own creator.

How many skinheads does it take to screw in a lightbulb? 10; 1 to do it and 9 to back him up.

What do a bungee jump and a hooker have in common? They’re both cheap, fast, and if the rubber breaks, you’re pretty much screwed.

What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?

An escapee from a mental hospital

How many CIA agents does it take to screw in a lightbulb? They don't need lightbulbs -- they glow in the dark.

Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, and George Washington are on a sinking ship. As the boat sinks, George Washington heroically shouts: “Save the women!” George W. Bush hysterically hollers: “Screw the women!” Bill Clinton asks excitedly: “Do we have time?

Today I’m attaching a light to the ceiling, but I’m afraid I’ll probably screw it up.

Bill Clinton and Joe Biden are on a sinking ship Joe Biden says we need to save the women and children. Bill Clinton says screw the women and children Joe Biden says do we have that much time?

A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced 10 husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin." "What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married 10 times?" "Well, Husband #1 was a sales representative. He kept telling me how great it was going to be. Husband #2 was in software services. He was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me. Husband #3 was from field services. He said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up. Husband #4 was in telemarketing. Even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver. Husband #5 was an engineer. He understood the basic process, but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method. Husband #6 was from finance and administration. He thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not. Husband #7 was in marketing. Although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it. Husband #8 was a psychologist. All he ever did was talk about it. Husband #9 was a gynecologist. All he did was look at it. Husband #10 was a stamp collector. All he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, I'm really excited!" "Good," said the new husband, "but, why?" "You're a lawyer. This time I know I'm going to get screwed!"