School jokes
When the teacher says she'll call your parents but you're an orphan.
Why can't Michael Jackson go within 500m of a school zone?
Because he's dead.
How do you start a school shooting at a black school?
Call the cops.
Today in math class we had to do an activity where we had to flip coins. The teacher said that we had to flip some coins, remove all of the heads, count them, and put the rest of the coins back in the cup and repeat until we had no coins left. I’m not sure what we were supposed to get out of that activity, but I got 15 dead bodies.
It's funny how teachers are supposed to educate new lives, but only teach certain kids how much they want to commit suicide and how many ways there are.
Pro lifers: End abortion!!!
Pro lifers after school shooting: But not this abortion.
One day there was a boy who needed the toilet, so he goes to his teacher and asks if he can go to the toilet. The teacher says "yes, but before you go, what are the first 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy replies, "I don't know, miss..." The teacher says that he will have to wait.
Later, the boy goes home to his mom who is on the phone. He asks, "What is the first letter in the alphabet?" His mom says, "Oh, shut up!" So the boy goes to his dad who is playing darts and says, "What is the second letter in the alphabet?" His dad says "180!" So the boy goes to his sister who is playing with her Barbies. The boy asks, "What is the 3rd letter in the alphabet?" The sister says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The next day, the boy goes to school and needs the toilet again, so he goes to ask if he can go, and the teacher says, "Yes, but before you go, what are the 3 letters in the alphabet?" The boy says, "Oh, shut up!" The teacher is angry about that, so she says, "What is the second one?" "180!" says the boy, and the teacher asks him where he is from, and the boy says, "I'm a Barbie girl in a Barbie world!"
The end.
What is the difference between the human and a human and walk home walk and walk walk home and walk walk home from school?
Your forehead is so big that teachers use it as a whiteboard.
Why did the van cross the road?
To get to the school for the little kids.
A teacher is doing an experiment about taste. She tells each student to line up so she can give them each a lifesaver, so they can tell her what flavor it is. She gives Suzy a pineapple one. Suzy tries it, says the flavor, and then goes and sits back down. That is the same for everyone, then it is Jhonny's turn. The teacher hands him a honey flavor one. Jhonny chews it for a while, then says,
"Teacher, I don't know what it is.". The teacher tries to give him a hint and says, "it's what your parents call each other when you are asleep". Immediately the boy behind Jhonny screams, "Spit it out Jhonny, it's an asshole!!!"
An alligator is in a class, turns out he likes teaching!
My teacher told me, "You have no idea how powerful this quote is." I looked at her and told her, "You don't know how powerful the shotgun in my bookbag is."
They have blackboards and whiteboards, but what happened to Mexicanboards?
At school I am always called emo.
Little did they know that emos are wannabe goths.
It was pornography class, and there was a break.
Two adults were "having a good time" till the teacher says...
Teacher: Hey! SAY ALL THE NUMBERS TO 10,000 NOW!
Adult 1: How about I say my ABC's?
Teacher: Go ahead, I guess...
Adult 1: A B C E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z
Teacher: Where's the D?
Adult 2: Inside me...
What happened when the teacher tied all the students' shoe laces together?
They took a class trip.
Your forehead is so big, it's bigger than a school!
Why did the orphans miss most of the basketball games?
They missed the homecoming games.
My teacher started talking about houses, then I said I don't want that informansion.