Say jokes

What did the naked man say to the naked woman?

"Suck my dick."

The tables in my class are straight, but I can’t say the same thing for your hairline.

Your mama is so fat that all restaurants say, "Maximum weight 240KG or your mum!"

A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"

And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"

So, I was at the gas station drinking a Slurpee when I heard an old lady start talking to me. She says, "Hey, can you check my balance?" so she could buy a chocolate bar.

So, I pushed her over and said, "Not much."

Q: What did the fetus say to the tongs?

A: See you on the flip side.

An adopted kid is walking to school when an emo kid approaches him. He says the emo kid, "Do you have rope?"

"No," replies the adopted kid.

"Dang it! I hate you," says the emo kid. "Now the adopted one is angry. Well, at least I'm loved," says the adopted kid.

If you know an emo kid, please stay away. The depression is contagious. I'm a survivor.

Like if you dislike emos.

My brother puts his butt in his face and says, "Kyle, you're cracking me up!"

What did the priest say to the skunk?

Let us spray.

What did Allan say to his sister bully when she stepped on his toe? "Mitosis!"

Everyone says "no homo," why do gays not say "no hetero?"

A man receives a phone call from his doctor.

The doctor says, "I have some good news and some bad news."

The man says, "OK, give me the good news first."

The doctor says, "The good news is, you have 24 hours to live."

The man replies, "Oh no! If that's the good news, then what's the bad news?"

The doctor says, "The bad news is, I forgot to call you yesterday."

I named my dog "5 miles" so I could say I ran five miles today. I ran over 5 miles.

Once my friend was saying something dumb, and I was like, "I Campbell-eve you just said that."

So a girl says, "You're so ugly to me," and she says, "I’m the prettiest girl." I say, "Yeah, a pretty girl for an ogre 👹!"

What did the String Theorist say when his wife caught him in bed with another woman?

"Wait, I can explain everything!"

The daughter of an incestuous pedophile goes into the living room where he is watching TV and asks him if she can borrow the car that evening.

"Sure honey! If you suck my dick!"

So she gets down on him but something is wrong. She pops her head up and says: "Dad! This tastes like shit!"

"Oh yeah, I forgot," says the father. "I already gave your brother the car for tonight."

What does a pirate say to his girlfriend?

I want your booty!

What does the suicidal person say on New Years?

"New year, no me."

A dog talks to another dog and says,

"Wow, you're a hot dog!"