Say jokes

What’s something you can say to a waiter, but not your wife?

"Does this come with anything?"

What did one ghost say to the other?

"Get a life!"

This gay guy was so happy with his new boyfriend that he took him to his favorite gay bar.

An hour or so goes by, then the new flame says, "I just LOVE this place, everyone is so nice, food is great, but what's up with the monkey way down there?"

His friend says "OK, watch this." He goes up behind the chimp and smacked him in back of its head. The monkey jumped off the stool, pulls down his zipper, and gives him head. When finished, the chimp took a napkin, cleaned himself, pulled up his zipper, then jumped back to his chair.

He walked back to his new gay friend and said, "What do you think of that?"

"MAN, I seen some amazing things, but never like that!" His squeeze said, "Wanna give it a try?"

"I sure do, JUST DON'T hit me as hard as you hit that monkey."

A blind man walks into a woman's bar and asks the person next to him if she would like to hear a blonde joke. The woman says, "Before you tell your joke, you should know the bartender is blonde and has a shotgun, the bouncer is blonde and has a baseball bat, the two playing music are blonde and have pistols. Do you still want to tell that joke, cowboy?" He thought for a second and said, "Not if I have to explain it five times."

What did the bee say after the execution? "The criminal has been beeheaded!"

What did the salad say to the chef? LETTUCE GO!!!

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

What did John Cena say to the blind kid? "You can't see me."

What did the mom say to her house? "I love you"

Why did the Carthaginian say Rome lost the war?

Because they were just roman around.

When a cookie 🍪 wins a race, what will the crowd say?

“Chip Chip Hooray!”

Why is Christianity the most dramatic religion?

Because other religions say, "Do, do, do."

But Christianity says, "Done, done, done!"

Man walks into a bar and sees a bear serving drinks... Sits down looking astonished. The bear says, "what's the matter you never saw a bear serving drinks?" The man says, "it's not that, I just never thought the moose would sell the place."

What did the dentist say when he looks into a patient's mouth?

"I C D K"

You know what I see?

DICK

You are playing as Ukraine in Military Tycoon, and then someone kills you. You see who killed you in nuke revenge, and it says "Putinmoserfucer2342."

"Confucius say: Man go asy, full retard. It's an art, a weapon, and a lifestyle. Once you go full retard, there is no going back."

A man goes for a pee in a haunted house.

He unzips his pants at the urinal when a man dressed as a goblin chuckles next to him. "You got a small dick, buddy," the man says to him.

Yo mama so fat when she steps on the scale it says, "We want your weight not your phone number."

What do you say when you see a pig making bread? He's bacon.

What do you not say to an Emo if you want them to come round? "Wanna hang out."