Say jokes

What did the toilet paper say when he got stuck in a crack on the side walk?

"I got stuck in a butt crack!"

I was in Alabama last year. I walked into a store and noticed a couple kissing each other, and I said, "Excuse me, where is the bathroom?" and the man said, "Right over there." I went into the bathroom and then heard the girl say, "Dad, I have to go to school soon!"

A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"

When a cat gets a sibling, do they say, "Oh, shit! Another mew kid?!?!?!"

What did the ocean say to the other ocean?

Nothing. They just waved.

Did you sea what I did there?

What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?

"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"

What was I saying again?

Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?

A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩

Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"

When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."

What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?

"Bale me out!"

A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"

He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"

What did a jockey's manager say to him before the race?

"Use the horse!"

A man with a mullet walks into a bar.

The bartender says, "The party's in the back!"

When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.

What did the cow say to his relatives on Christmas day?

Moorry Christmas!

(Even though cows can't really have religions.)

Spanish is difficult. When my mom gives me food, she says "toma," and that's drink in English, so I always drink my food.

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."