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So one day a boy was at his dad's work when another little boy ran in crying. Then the dad said, "Aw, little boy, are you lost? Where's your parents?" And the little boy at his dad's work said, "OMG! Dad, you can't say that!"
Why can't he say that?
Answer: He works at an orphanage.
What did the beach say when the tide came in?
"Long time no sea."
When your mom comes in at night then sees your... sleeping, but sees something moving, so she gets a chair and whacks it, then she says, "I thought it was a mouse."
Why did the cake say to the scammer? "I'll scam you up!"
Becky: Rob, you're so stupid! Anything that you say is stupid!
Rob: .....BECKY :3
My girl got mad at me last night for saying to my mom that she had a dildo ready at all times and is always hard, so my mom wanted to see. So I whipped out my penis and my mom said it’s bigger than your dad’s!
My teacher said, "Say welcome to our new student; he's an orphan." The teacher said, "Is anyone missing?" I said, "That kid's parents."
A Texan and an Alaskan walk in a room. The Alaskan says, "My state is bigger than yours." The Texan says, "It won't be when it melts!"
What was I saying again?
Q: What did the DNA say to the other DNA?
A: Do these genes make my butt look fat? 💩
When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."
What did one hurricane say to the other?
"I got my EYE on you!"
What did the fish say when it swam into a wall?
Dam.
What do you say when your friend has an ankle sprain?
"Damn bro, you got an ankle spring!"
When someone asks you for a beef (fight), just say you're a vegetarian.
What did the ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing. They just waved.
Did you sea what I did there?
What did the skeleton say when the other skeleton lied to him?
"You can't lie to me! I can see right through you!"
A man with a mullet walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "The party's in the back!"
A boy walks into some woods with a phone, and his friend comes by and asks, "What are you doing?"
He pauses, then says, "Trying some bird calls!"
What does Christian say when he wants out of jail?
"Bale me out!"