Say jokes
What did the drunk emo say to the bartender?
Nothing, she was hung over.
My grandma always looks at me when we go to a wedding and says, "You’re next!"
When we attend a funeral, I say, "You’re next!"
When cops say you have the right to remain silent,
You're just happy you have the right to do something.
How do you break up a fight between two gay men?
Say, "Can you get straight to the point?"
What did the man say in the morning after beating up his wife?
"I woke up Chris Breezy."
Memes
It says the truth
Don't listen to people when they say you have a dad bod. You don't.
You have a father figure.
What words black people can't say? "Thanks for your help, officer."
What did the rapper say to the computer?
“Yo, stop laggin’ my FLOW!”
Ms. Smith: Johnny, when I was a little girl, I was told if I made ugly faces, it would freeze, and I would stay like that.
Little Johnny: Well, Ms. Smith, you can't say you weren't warned.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
A doctor walks into the room and tells his patient, "I have some bad news for you. You really have to stop masturbating."
The man looks aghast and says, "Oh my God, doc, why?!"
The doctor replies, "I'm trying to examine you."
Osama Bin Laden was trying to give me relationship advice.
Probably wasn't the best time to say "OK Boomer."
How do you make a cat say woof? You cover it in petrol and light a match.
What did the llama say when the villagers said that he had to leave the village?
"Alpaca my bags."
Why did the Titanic sink? Because everyone played Simon Says!
What did the barbwire say to big foot? "My name is Jeff."
An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."
I asked my sister to say something.
She said, "No."
That's what I like to hear.
Wife, I look fat, can you compliment me?
Blind husband says, "You have perfect eyesight!"
What did the Twin Towers say when they saw the airplane?
Batter up!