Back
Say

Say jokes

I know this isn't an orphan joke, but I didn't know where to say it, so yeah.

I threw a nut at the allergy table and screamed, "YES, TRIPLE KILL!"

What did a terrorist say when New York didn't want his food?

"Here Comes The Airplane!"

  • 5

    • It isn't really rape if you speak different languages. I mean, how is the man supposed to know what she is saying? Those could be tears of joy and screams of pleasure.

  • 2

    • Jeffrey Dahmer and his mother are having dinner.

    His mother says, “I don’t like your friends.”

    Then Jeff says, “You can eat the potatoes.”

    A man marries a blonde chick, lives a happy life together, and the man asks his wife if she wants kids. She says "yes".

    So, a couple of years go by, and they have one boy and one girl. They go to school, go home with their report cards, and the dad asks what their grades were. The son says he's not doing well, same with the daughter. They ask why they're doing so bad in school, and the dad replies with "ask your mother that question!"

    Paralyzed Man: *gets up* I’m out of here!

    Blind Man: Did that paralyzed man just get up?

    Deaf Man: Did that Blind Man see that paralyzed man get up?

    Mute Man: Did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    Dead Man: Did that mute man just say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    “Normal” Man: Did that dead man hear the mute man say did that deaf man hear the blind man see the paralyzed man get up?

    Doctor: *calls 911*

    911 service: 911 what’s your emergency?

    Doctor: Yes, uh, a “normal” person just said that did that dead man just hear a mute man say did that deaf man just hear the blind man see a paralyzed man get up?

    911 service: *hangs up*

    What did the plane say to the towers: "Can't go over it, can't go under it, oh no, we got to go through it."

    I got my COVID test today, it says 50. What does that mean? Also, my IQ test came back positive.

  • 8

    • SOOOO my sister said her first bad word yesterday. "Shit." My mum was like, "What did you just say, child?"

    Sister: "I said the cat shits inside like the dog shi- uh oh......"

    Now I've avoided this stuff by making my own word: Sugarplum. Sugarplum = shit...

    My sister made some pie, and it tasted horribly... so I said this.... "This pie is very sugarplum-y." She said, "What do you mean by that?" I said, "It tastes like sugarplums..."

    Two women, Jane and Emma, are in the afterlife waiting for judgement.

    Emma turns to Jane and says, "I'm just curious, but how did you die?"

    Jane replies with, "I burnt to death."

    Emma, shocked, responds with, "That sounds horrible! What was it like?"

    Jane answers with, "It first felt really hot and painful, but then I felt nothing. How did you die?"

    Emma replies with, "Well, I believed my husband was cheating on me. I decided to leave work early one day to make sure he was loyal. I found him on the phone with his mother. I thought he was hiding something from me so I ran to the bedroom and found nothing. Then I sprinted to the kitchen and didn't find anything. I then jolted outside to the backyard and just found that he hadn't cleaned the pool. I was so tired from running that I fell over into the pool and drowned."

    Jane retorts with, "Well if you checked the oven neither of us would be here right now."

    So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"

    The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."

    So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

    So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."

    And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

    I saw an orphan on the road. I asked him if he's an orphan. The kid says, "Yeah, what gave it away?"

    I say, "Your parents."

    It was raining sadly all day. My wife, my two daughters, and me were stuck in the house when wife’s mom and dad just died.

    Wife: 😭😭😭I wish this never happened.

    Mia, our first daughter: Mommy, it’s ok. I love whenever I see you🥰🥰

    Abby, our second daughter: I love you all. Only if you guys die I won’t, but I love you when you're alive 😉😏

    Me, husband: What kind of nonsense was that? You love us when we’re alive, but you don’t love us when we’re dead🤥😥😓

    Everyone except Abby: Abby, this is serious. Mommy’s mother and father died. Mia says: Yes, your mom is sadly down right now, you made her more sad😡🤬. Dad says: *sniffs* Abby, I had made a discussion. I will take you to an orphanage. I am sorry 😣 when I am better and happy and I forgot what you said then we’ll get you back. Mom says:

    This was not a joke. I just did this for Love 💕