Say jokes

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.

A note for My arts/health teacher:

oh ms aziz, you've got no rizz, all she do is screams, whether u like it or not, she thinks this makes her hot, she thinks this makes her pop but it just makes me want to crack her head from the top, until she says STOP, and down on the ground she goes plop... and her screaming has finally stopped, and my plan hasn't flopped thus far.... plan B is ram her with my car, fill her shoes with tar, and the prahnas i'll set on her go RAWR... she don't know what she coming for.

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

I read a sign. What it meant to say is, "You matter, don't give up." What I read was, "You don't matter, give up."

What did the doctor say to the terminally ill Power Ranger?

It's Morphine Time.

I was gonna say when you were born your mum saw you and screamed, but I remembered you were adopted...

Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn’t seem to be breathing, and his eyes are glazed.

The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?"

The operator says, "Calm down. I can help. First, let’s make sure he’s dead."

There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says, "OK, now what?"

What do Orphans say on Father's Day?

Well, not "Happy Father's Day."

What did the hijackers say when they crashed into the Twin Towers?

"Jenga!"

What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?

"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."

A woman gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: "That’s the ugliest baby that I’ve ever seen. Ugh!" The woman goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: "The driver just insulted me!" The man says: "You go right up there and tell him off – go ahead, I’ll hold your monkey for you."

What if Hitler did not say "bombs away," he said "lambs are slayed?"

What did the cheese say to itself in the mirror?

"Halloumi, who's the tastiest of them all?"

Celebrating Mother's Day is confusing, says my cousin.

I asked my sister to say something.

She said, "No."

That's what I like to hear.

My friend says, "You should try Oreos with water."

Me: No, because my dad actually came back with the milf.

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

A man goes into the streets of Moscow and yells, “I am tired of this guy with a silly mustache and stupid rules being a leader!”

A soldier heard him, so he goes and catches him. Later, he brings the man to Stalin. The soldier says to Stalin what happened and Stalin asks the man, “Who were you thinking about when you yelled in the streets?”

The man responds, “Of course, I was thinking about Hitler!”

Stalin lets him go, but then he stops the soldier and says, “Who were YOU thinking about?”

I would say life's a joke, but I can't, because jokes have a meaning.