Say jokes

Why is it inappropriate when guys say their girlfriends are their “Partners in Crime”?

Like we get it, bro, she’s underage.

"What did one wall say to the other?"

"I'll meet you at the corner!"

What did the elephant say to the naked man?

"How do you breathe through that tiny thing?"

A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”

God, people are so sensitive these days. You can't even say, "Paint the wall black," you have to say, "Jamal, could you paint the wall?"

When your girlfriend says it is too small, you say, "Just enjoy the small thing."

An apple a day keeps the doctor away. Or at least it does if you throw it hard enough.

Why is it that if you donate a kidney, people love you? But if you donate five kidneys, they call the police.

My senior relatives liked to tease me at weddings, saying things like, “You’ll be next!” They stopped once I started doing the same to them at funerals.

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

A Japanese man goes to the dentist. After being there for a while, the dentist asks, "How often do you floss your teeth?"

The Jap said, "After every meal." When they finish up, the dentist turns to him and says, "You need to floss your eyes more. I can still see them."

My priest asked if anyone had any questions or anything interesting they wanted to say.

So I raised my hand, he said why don’t you tell everyone what you have to say.

In front of the whole church I said I did not know Jesus Christ was the first scarecrow.

What is the most noise that comes out of a ladies mouth? Nothing because they never have anything important to say.

Knock knock. Who's there? Parents. Parents who? That's what an orphan would say.

What did the fish say when he ran into a wall? (Dam!)

If there is a guy in a wheelchair and he is a bully, say, "I’m still standing."

When someone says you're adopted, say, "But you're still at the orphanage."

I just wanted to say to never let go of family; they are everything. Never let anyone walk all over you. And if you are with me, like this quote.

A blind kid accidentally touches the emo kid's wrist and says, "I'm not reading all of that!"

Be careful what you say around Indians, the red dot means they're recording.

BTW, I am one, wahahaa!

Jimmy does stand up comedy. He says, "What do you call an orangutan?"

Jake replies, "YOU!" Then everyone, including the teacher, laughs. Jimmy cries.

LOL

I'm at my happiest point in life. I'm dating someone that's autistic, and I was just saying I needed someone special in my life.