Say jokes

Q: What did the emo kid say to the other emo kid?

A: I like ya cut, G.

Hey, Mom, I am ugly.

"Facts," my mom says.

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV. His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuBuDuRDeEDeRdUuUuU!!!" "SHUT UP CINDER BLOCK!!!"

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

One morning a dad was sitting and watching TV.

His daughter comes in and says, "Dad! Why is my name Rose?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were born, a rose petal fell on your head." "Cool," Rose said.

The second daughter walked in and said, "Dad! Why is my name Daisy?" He replied, "Oh! It's because when you were a baby, a daisy petal fell on your head." "Awesome," Daisy said.

The third daughter came in and said, "DuUuUDeEeEeDrrrrrrrrr!!!" "SHUT UP, CINDER BLOCK!!!"

Jesus and Satan are just basically Homer and Flanders. One tries to help the other, only for Satan to just say, "Shut up!"

Two cows are grazing in a field.

One cow says to the other, "You ever worry about that mad cow disease?"

The other cow says, "Why would I care? I'm a helicopter!"

Don't say your life is a joke, because jokes got meaning.

To all those who say this is a joke, it isn't. It's a core of humor and magic. It's a part of humor we can keep. Like if you agree.

My wife says sex is even better on holiday. I wish she didn’t tell me via email.

What did the north tower say to the south tower?

"You're too young to smoke."

Say the drive through at McDonald's, order (don't say the sake) but when you get it ask them, "My sake?" and say, "Sake that ass."

I saw a little girl crying, and I said, "Where are your parents?" That day, I got fired from the orphanage. 🤪

What did the blond say about the new iPhone?

Krabby Patty jizz sandwich.

I see a kid crying in the park, right? So I go up to him and say, "Hey, where are your parents?" and he says, "Well, my dad left to get the milk and never came back, and my mother died in a plane crash in the Bermuda Triangle."

Tony's wife got a divorce from Tony. She said she wanted to be an independent woman.

Days later, Tony's wife had an accident. Guess who's crawling back for help. 💀

Well, you know what they say about cliffhangers...

So today I heard a friend say she had a stalker. I can confirm I've never seen a stalker following her.

One day this kid says to his dad, "Dad, they bully me at school."

His dad asks why, and the kid says, "They bully me because I got no hands."

Then his dad says, "Who would do such a thing like that? I want to know who they are. Point at them!"

The cold winter night, there was a cabin in the woods. The cabin housed 3 men. The men were gay but they did not know.

Fili: "Fili." Kili: "And Kili." Fili and Kili: "At your service." Kili: "You must be Mr. Baggins." Bilbo: "No! You can’t come in, you’ve come to the wrong house." Kili: "What?! Has it been canceled?" Fili: "No one told us." Bilbo: "Can...! No, nothing’s been canceled." Kili: "That’s a relief." Fili: "Careful with these, I just had them sharpened." Kili: "It’s nice, this place. Did you do it yourself?" Bilbo: "Uh...no, it’s been in the family for years. That’s my mother’s glory box, can you please not do that?" Dwalin: "Fili, Ki­li, come on, give us a hand." Kili: "Mr. Dwalin." Balin: "Let’s shove this in the hole, or otherwise we’ll never get everyone in." Bilbo: "Ev...everyone?! How many more are there? Oh, no! No, no. There’s nobody home! Go away, and bother somebody else! There’s far too many dwarves in my dining room as it is. If...if this is some blockhead’s idea of a joke, I can only say, it is in very poor taste!" One of the Dwarves: "Get off, you big lump!"

Then the men only had one seat they had in the cabin. It was a bar seat. they were able to flip it upside down and fit all of them on it.