Said Jokes

My daughter said i could never make a car out of spaghetti, you should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!!!!

A Mexican boy said, "I can't do this." Then a guy says, "You can do it, we are Mexican not Mexicant."

My grandad said I'm too reliant on technology, so I called him a hypocrite and unplugged his life support.

A kid milks a cow and goes to school and tells his friends I milk a cow and it took awhile for it to warm up and his brother came over and said we don't have cows we have Bulls

kid "whats dark humor" mom "you see that man over there without arms tell him to clap" kid "I am blind mom" "exactly" said mom

I hate this-Everybody knows its how I roll if you jump into my van you get a Tootsie Roll-My Uncle said this.....

My parents were concerned when I said I like to bleed but at least I cut my risk of cancer and stroke in half.

Two scientists walk into a bar. One says ̈I want h20” the other said ̈ I want h20 too ̈ The second scientist died.

I was at the bar with a friend, and he said to me, "Veronica, I just stopped a rape." The bartender overheard him and had a puzzled look on his face, because he never moved. He then said, "I saw this girl walk into the bathroom, and I decided not to go."

A boy with Down Syndrome was talking with his mom.

“Mom, why did God make me like this?”, he said

“It’s because God made you special.”, she said.

“Just kidding, I was only talking about your needs.”

3 men were captured by a tribe and tortured. The leader of the tribe tells them that they would live, only if they could achieve one thing. They had to go out and find 10 pieces of the same fruit each. The first person returned with apples, the leader said that he had to put all 10 of them up into his ass without making a sound, or he would be killed. 1....2 he screamed. The next person came back with grapes, 1,2,3, he counted up to 8, but began to burst out laughing, he was killed. In heaven, the first man asked him why he laughed if he was doing so well, "well i saw the third guy coming back with fucking pineapples"

Me and my little brother were playing Call Of Duty. He wasn't doing very good so I told him so. My brother said to me, "at least I don't have to camp in order to get kills". I then responded with, "I would call you cancer, but at least cancer kills".

My friend’s mother was never a font of sympathy, but always the one to see beyond the darkness. Upon learning about her daughter’s cancer diagnosis she said, “Well honey, at least you’ll lose some weight!"

control tower to Boeing 747 your clear to land on (said person) forehead

so the coach got mad at me cause im the only one on my team who is only a bit on the spectrum and i was just keeping the ball to myself and the coach pulled me aside and said pass to others i said why and he said theres no i in team and i said ya but theres an m e