Said Jokes

so I was walking in a store and a carrot and a lectus said "lectus leaf" to me.

My friend Jimmy said his dad is exactly like Santa. I asked, "Why is it because he gives people presents?" Jimmy told me, "No, it's because I hear so many good things about him but and how he's gonna come home, but never see him."

so one day a boy was at his dads work when another little boy ran in crying then the dad said aw little boy are you lost wheres your parents and the little boy at his dads work said OMG! dad you cant say that! why cant he say that?

Answer: He works at an Orphanage.

I saw an Isis video and I got the theme stuck in my head. I was humming it the next day at work when my Arab co-worker said, "soon, my brother."

My sister thinks she's so smart. She said, "Onions are the only food that makes you cry." So I threw a coconut at her.

When Jim was playing on his phone, my grandfather told him, “You use way too much technology!”. Jim then said, “No, YOU use too much technology!” and then Jim disconnected his grandfather’s life support.

How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."

"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you noticed you said nothing at all?

My Grandpa said, “Your generation relies too much on technology!” I replied, “We'll see about that." Then I unplugged his life support.

The other day me and my friend were at the shops buying crafts I was wearing a black top she was wearing a stripy top we were arguing abt who was more creative when she asked to prove that I am I just said "u buy ur stripes, I make mine"

My teacher said he is gonna call my dad, i cant wait to meet him 🥰🥰🥰

One day, I saw a kid sitting on the curb dressed in rags. I asked if he was an orphan. He said, "Yeah, what gave me away?" I said, "His parents."

i was in cooking class and my teacher said - does anyone know what a chopping board is similar to?

me and my friend just glanced at each other and burst out laughing.

long story short the teacher understood the joke and now we are both in daily therapy 😭💀

Why did the blonde stare at the carton of orange juice? Because it said concentration camp

I told my dad is was self harming. The next day we talked about it and he said "Hey you should CUT it out." It was funny but I couldn't bring myself to laugh at that.

I went for a job interview today and the manager said, "We're looking for someone who is responsible."

"Well, I'm your man." I replied, "In my last job, whenever anything went wrong, they said I was responsible."

My whife caught me one day for watching a porn channel so i quickly turned the tv to a fishing channel. On her way out she said: 'You should stay on the porn channel. You know how to fish!'