A teacher asked his students a math question.
"You have one dollar. Your parents give you five dollars. How much money do you have?"
After some thinking, about half the class raised their hands. The teacher called on a little girl in the front.
"One dollar!" she said.
I was in school yesterday and I saw this emo kid with a new cut so I said, "I like ya cut g." And I slapped him. I don't know why I got in so much trouble. All I did was slap his wrist.
After God created 24 hours of alternating darkness and light, one of the angels asked him, "What are you going to do now?"
God said, "I think I'm going to call it a day."
My teacher gave us an assignment and one of the questions was "What do you want to be when you grow up?" I answered "Happy". The teacher said I didn't understand the test, I said to her that she didn't understand life
What did the dick said to the ass hole?
You need another dick
I asked my mum why she’s depressed, she said her life has been a wreck? I asked how long has it been, she then asked when I was born
My friend called me a dick earlier. I said you are what you eat. He then proceeded to run away from me.
My husband told me to make him a sandwich. I was looking online for some comebacks. Someone online said You better comeback with a goddamn sandwich
i saw a fat girl with a 'Guess' tshirt so i said "286lb"
So I had a friend who was an orphan and he said, "How's your girlfriend?" I said, "I don't have one." He said, "I know, just reminding you." I then said, "Hey, how's your parents?" I never saw him after that.
I saw a sign the other day that said "Maximum penalty for smoking is £1,000" But that's not right. Surely the maximum penalty for smoking is Death.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ̈You look like a million pounds! ̈ The wife divorced him.
I was raised a Catholic and my priest told me when I was 12, "God is watching you when you masturbate".
I said, "Is God a pedophile too, Father?"
Friened says, "your so drunk last night, u throu a mushroom at a migit and said grow mario grow.
A jumper cable walked into a bar. The bartender said, "I'll serve you, but don't start anything!"
Raaj went up to his mom and said, "I bet you 10 dollars I can disappear." Then he turned off the lights.
Yo momma is so fat when she got on the scale it said, "I need your weight not your phone number."
My grandfather said we rely on technology too much so I unplugged his life support. Luckily I remember his last words . "You little bastard!"
My son asked me what dark humor was, so I told him, see that kid in the wheelchair, ask him to stand. He said, But Dad I'm blind. Exactly
my suicidal friend said he liked trains, so we took him to the tracks
