Said jokes

A skeleton walks into the hospital and said: "Doctor, Doctor, I broke my leg!" The doctor said: "I see..."

So one time I was looking up the definition of "accident" because I was a little dumbo and didn’t know what it meant. Then my sister walks up behind me and points at the word and says, “That’s you!” (meaning that I was an accident).

A few minutes later, we had a big family meeting and my dad said to my sister, “Sweetie, you were an accident. We didn’t mean to make you, but we still love you with everything we’ve got.”

My sister never talked to me again and left the house. She was 17 when she left. Seriously, 17-year-olds just never mature, huh?

I could tell my cousin you are so annoying, but she told me first, so we both said it at the same time. 🫣🤣😂

I once asked the guy sitting next to me if he had any Sodium Hypobromite... He said, "NaBrO."

Why isn't Hilary Duff interested in education?

A. She said that she was not interested in learning about anything that was so yesterday.

A man said his bars are lit. I said no, because mine are fire.

I went to the mental hospital. I asked one of the kid what its favorite animal was. They said a bird. I asked for a reason. It's because they both jump off roofs.

Michael J. Fox came up to me the other day and introduced himself to me. He said, "Hey, what’s shaking?"

I said, "You."

Yo mama so dumb, when I told her my blind friend couldn’t see, she said, “Open yo eyes!”

One time a kid came to the hospital and said, "I really need help." The kid said he was really hot, so they put an ice cold towel on him.

Then the doctor asked him if he had any problems, and he said, "Yes, I am really hot." The doctor realized that he looked fine, so he said, "Are you sure? You look amazing." And the kid said that he meant to say, "I look hot!"

My parents said they had to make a lot of sacrifices in order to pay for my education.

They were both druids.

Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”

"You have to do this," and my sister said, "Well, I don't care."

And I said, "Well, you care enough to respond back, oh my gosh!"

Mother, father, and a son. Father purchased a robot that can detect lies. The robot slaps when you lie.

During dinner time: Father: Son, what have you done today? Son: I watched Netflix, Dad. Robot: Stood up and slapped the son! Son: Okay! Okay! I watched porn, Dad. Dad: What? You watched porn? You are only 14! I never knew porn till I was 18 years of age. Robot: Stood up and slapped the Dad! Mother: Started to laugh and said "Sure he is your son!" Robot: Stood up and slapped the mother!

Hehe

My Mom said, "I have a daughter that killed herself for getting bullied."

Well, I said, "Have you seen her?"

The last thing I said to my dog was,

"Play dead."

I asked Stephen if he was an organ donor, and he said why.

I said, "That's a shame. I need parts for my go-cart."

I pushed an orphan and they said, "I'm telling!" I asked, "Telling who? Your parents?"

I got kicked outta the poker game.

They said I was a little cheetah.

An orphan comes up to me and says, "You're ugly." I said, "You remind me of Spider-Man: No Way Home."