Said Jokes

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? -- All they said was, "Bach, Bach, Bach..."

i was talking to my friend and he said "I lost my virginity to a girl and then she stopped coming to school" and I said "probably because she was fired"

My friend and I were joking about a wheelchair kid and another kid came up and said to the wheel chair kid you should stand up for your self

A man is consoling his nine year old daughter after she had been sexually assaulted,

"You need to be more careful" he said as he wrapped his arm around her, "this time it was me, next time it could be a total stranger."

so I and my friend were talking this time, I asked them what they would do if they ever met rengoku they said that they would probably like shake his hand or sm but I said I would lick his forehead. wtf

i was walking today and i saw a emo with a noose looking up at a tree i simply said " hang on there bud!"

My girlfriend said onions were the only foods that make you cry. -

Until I threw a watermelon in her face

~Robin

I offered to share a Meal with an Homeless Person once but he said "Piss off and buy your Own"

I once saw a one handed man in a second hand store. I said to him: "i don't think they have what you're looking for sir"

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister; she said at least wait for her to be born first.

So we were working with a new client at work and my boss farts, he said "a little gas never killed anyone

The teacher asked her student to say the alphabet , The student recited the alphabet abcdefghijklmnoqrstuvwxyz, Where's the p, He looked down to the floor and said : it's running down my legs

3 citizens were going through an exam to become agents of the FBI, their instructor handed the first guy a gun in a room with his wife and said he had to shoot them, he walked out in shame and said he couldn't do it. The second guy had the same scenario, he put the gun up but couldn't pull the trigger so he walked out in shame. The third guy was put in the same scenario, he walked out and told the instructor, "The gun wasn't loaded, I had to strangle the bitch."

My friend says to me: "What rhymes with orange" I said: "No it doesn't"

At the resturant, the waitress starts flirting with me. "She must have COVID," my wife said. "Why?" I asked. "Cuz she clearly has no taste." She responded.

A man is sitting on a bench at a playground where children are playing while a man named Chris comes up and asks “which one is yours?” The man said “I don’t know i’m still deciding.”

I'm so mad I got arrested for rape even though the girl never said no. The prosecution said she was mute but how was I supposed to know she never told me.

Two people just met. One said, “We should do some bonding.” The other nodded and said back, “Titanic.” The first just looked confused so the second one just said, “Sorry, thought that would be a good icebreaker.”