Why did the indian cross the road? To run away from the pakistani

Someone tracked down a crippeled and said, “you can hide but you can’t run”

Why do you go to the bank. Do get money. When do you Run from the bank. When the cops come.

Q. Why can’t you run through a campground?

A. You can only raQ. Why can’t you run through a campground?

A. You can only ran, because it’s past tents.

(Credit: @punnstagram)

ran, because it’s past tents!!

why do guys hold their ball sack when they run? -because they dont have titties

I was on a plane and My mom said it just a little turbulence And I said Mom we just got on run way

Two Australians walk into a bar, they run into the ceiling fan immediately.

Q why can’t orphans play baseball A they don’t have home to run back to

Why can’t orphans get a homerun?

Because they have no home to run too

Is your fridge running?

Why yes it is!

Then you better go catch it


A guy sits at a bar in a skyscraper restaurant high above the city. He slams a shot of tequila, goes over to the window and jumps out.

The guy sitting next to him can’t believe what he just saw. He’s more surprised when, 10 minutes later, the same guy walks back into the bar and sits down next to him.

The astonished onlooker asks, “How did you do that? I just saw you jump out the window, and we’re hundreds of feet above the ground!”

The jumper responds by slurring, “Well, I don’t get it either. I slam a shot of tequila, and when I jump out the window, the tequila makes me slow down right before I hit the ground. Watch.” He takes a shot, goes to the window and jumps out.

The other guy runs to the window and watches as the guy falls to just above the sidewalk, slows down and lands softly on his feet. A few minutes later, the jumper walks back into the bar.

The other guy has to try it, too, so he orders a shot of tequila. He slams it and jumps out the window. As he reaches the bottom, he doesn’t slow down at all. SPLAT!

The first guy orders another shot of tequila. The bartender shakes his head. “You’re really an a**hole when you’re drunk, Superman.” I know.

Jay and Andrew, are best friends whom are almost alike, the difference between them both is Jay is poor and well…Andrew on the other hand is suck-a-dick-poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes-up in his room, walks to the kitchen and asks his mom Lisa (I call her Lisa now btw) if there is anything to eat, “No bitch !” She replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed. Now Andrew…wakes-up jumps out of bed and he’s in the kitchen, he sees his mom fixing some for work, after a long hard night of giving her husband blue-balls, “Anything left for me Mother?” Andrew asks “Sorry Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again.” *so she goes to work taking her time * Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself “Man…I’d suck a dick for some water right now.” his mom storms back after hearing what he had said "I’ll buy you a soda if u do my first customer for me!!! "

I am sick and tired of horror movies it is always the stupid ones that die first. when you see a guy in a dark bloody coat and a knife, he ain’t there to just look at yah run; Don’t scream run.

These cannibal kids come running into the cave and ask their mom what’s for dinner? She says “Dad’s gonna grill wieners”

An alien walks in to a bar. There is a guy sitting next to him and the alien touches his shoulder. The man says do that one more time and I’ll run you over. The alien does it again and gets ran over. They get back in the bar and he touches him again. The man says do that again and I’ll chop your dick off. He touches him again. The man pulls the aliens pants down and pulls out his knife. He was astonished at what he found. There was nothing there! He looks up at the alien and looks at his finger and fainted.

A lady runs into a police station and yells “help, help”. I’ve been graped then a police officer says “Do you mean raped”. The girl then replies “No there was a bunch of em”.

“What happens when an Asian man runs into a brick wall?”

“A broken nose…”

Stephen Hawking died because his wheelchair couldn’t run windows 10

Friend: I got bit Other friend: By what? Friend : A dog Other friend :( Runs away and the next day you know everyone is wearing a mask and the friend gets expelled because of rabies )