Run jokes
Two simple steps to get 15,000 people to follow you:
Step 1: Buy a bottle of water (doesn't matter the size).
Step 2: Run through Africa with that bottle of water.
Perfect! Now you got yourself half the population there following you!
If Fascism got popularized by autistics, the trains would have run on time.
Today was the worst day ever! My brother got run over, and I lost my driver's license!
A man walks into a bar and places a 12-inch man onto the counter as well as a small piano. The 12-inch man starts playing the piano really well.
The bartender asks the man where he got the 12-inch man. The man says there is a genie two blocks around the corner.
The bartender runs to the genie and makes a wish. The bartender comes back with 1 million ducks. The bartender says to the man, "That genie is dumb! I asked for 1 million bucks."
The man says, "Do you really think I asked for a 12-inch pianist?"
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.
Isn’t this card just great?(if I revamp it I’m gonna make it more pathetic lmao)
Stop making these stop jokes. I'm running out of laugh gas.
A man came running into a hospital saying, "Doctor, Doctor! I can't feel my legs!"
The doctor replied, "I know I amputated your arms!"
Stranger: Tries to kidnap a kid.
Kid: Runs home.
A few minutes later, the kid was in the back of the van...
If you know, you know.
Your momma is so fat, when she chose a yellow shirt when she was on a run, the kids ran after her because they thought they missed the bus.
Why did the chicken cross the road because he wanted to get run over and poop, and he died for 30 years until he was sent to Joe for getting run over, and he got killed by something, and then he died, and then he got it by you poop.
Why don't Bald Eagles like fast food? It always runs away!
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don’t understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what’s so sad?" and she said, "What do you think was running through these kid’s head before they died?" I replied, "probably a bullet." She gasped and said, "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent’s heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
When does a doctor get mad?
When he runs out of patients!
Person 1: “Hey, today was great!”
Person 2: “What happened?”
Person 1: “I ran into my ex today.”
Person 2: “What’s so great about that?”
Person 1: “I was in my car.”
This guy goes to a bar and pulls out a little guy playing the piano. The bartender asks him where he got a small man with a piano.
The guy points outside to a genie granting people wishes. The bartender runs out and 1 million ducks appear.
The bartender yells at the genie saying, “Are you fucking deaf? I asked for 1 million bucks, not 1 million bucks!”
The guy from the bar says, “No shit! You think I really asked for a 12-inch pianist?”
What’s the difference between Stephen Hawking and a refrigerator?
The fridge actually runs.
I was at a funeral for some kids in a school shooting. I don't understand why everyone was so sad, so I asked a lady, "what's so sad?" and she said "What do you think was running through these kid's heads before they died?" I replied "probably a bullet". She gasped and said "do you have any idea how insensitive that is? What do you think is running through their parent's heads?" I said "probably all the money they're losing from this funeral."
Why do short people laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls.
Why couldn’t the orphan run away from home?
Because it didn’t have one.
There was a race between Lettuce, a faucet, and Ketchup. The lettuce was a-head, the faucet was still running, and the ketchup was trying to ketchup.