The 3 life rules:
1.
2.
3.
Oh, there are no rules, because you have no life.
The first rule of the Alzheimerās club is...
Wait, where are we again?
I'm required by law to tell you I am a registered sex offender.
In a Catholic school cafeteria, a nun places a note in front of a pile of apples, "Only take one. God is watching." Further down the line is a pile of cookies. A little boy makes his own note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples."
Why do they never serve beer at a math party?
Because you can't drink and derive.
Why did the skeleton not listen to the rules?
He was "bone tiba wild."
Sara's Mom was helping her prepare for her driver's test.
Mom: "Okay, any questions?"
Sara: "Yes. I actually don't know what "yield" means."
Mom: "Don't worry, Hon. No one does."
Q: Why can emos wear dog collars at school, but people can't wear hats? WTF school!
You're so fat that when you went outside, you broke the 2-meter rule for COVID.
I'd love to move to a country ruled by Scott Stapp of Creed. Not only is it a place with golden streets, but it also welcomes people of all kinds with arms wide open.
I think Kobe misunderstood the 6-ft rule.
Roses are red, lemons are sour.
Open your legs and give me an hour.
There was a boy who owned a dog, who was walking while wearing headphones.
Upon entering a park, he saw a sign that read, "DOGS MUST HAVE LEAD". He continued into the park, and became immersed in the music.
After leaving the park 20 minutes later and turning around for the first time in a while to remove the lead, the sight of his now-dead, freshly-poisoned dog reminded him of the importance of heteronyms.
Why arenāt Indian Pakistanis allowed in the World Cup of baseball?
Every time they hit a corner, they open a shop.
Playing a game called 7-Up.
Student: Why can't I use a pencil to tap their fingers?
Teacher: It's cheating!
Student: No! It's the object of the game.
What's the #1 rule of kidnapping prevention?
Don't get carried away!
Rules of dark humor.
1. Everything shall be touched.
2. If it offends someone, it shall not be touched.
In the realm of the mind, Where thoughts wander undefined, This sentence emerges, unconfined, A whimsical phrase, quite inclined.
It dances freely, unrestrained, No structure, no rules, it's unchained, A playful verse, with words unfeigned, The first to surface, unrestrained.
It holds no grandeur, nor deep insight, Just a simple thought, taking flight, A fleeting notion, shining bright, In the realm of words, it feels right.
This sentence, unburdened and free, Plays with language, wild and carefree, A tiny poem, as small as can be, Yet it speaks volumes, silently.
So let it wander, let it roam, Across the page, it finds a home, Unfettered by rhythm, it freely roams, This sentence, the first, stands alone.
What was the nickname for the knight who ruled the fort?
"Fortnite"
The police officer in London, who used fake Covid rules to arrest a young woman, drive her more than 50 miles out of London in a hire car, murder her, and do whatever to her, has appealed against his Whole Life tariff.
He should be relieved it was only that! Could've been worse... could've married her!
