Roast jokes

You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.

A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.

His wife asked what that was for.

"It is for your headache."

"I don't have a headache."

He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"

One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.

One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.

Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.

Everyone at the barbecue...

"You're fat as a cow."

"......."

"Nope."

You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.

Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?

Me: Look at the stars in the sky.

Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?

Me: No, it’s a waste of time.

Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.

Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.

I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."

Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.

You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.

When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."

School sucks, just like you, get roasted nerds.

I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!

Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.

What happened when the duck crossed the road?

It crossed the road.

You're so skinny you're a thin stick.

You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.

You're so ugly you got stuff for free.

You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.

You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.

You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.

You: You are such a flick pain.

Me: You are flick pain to my sight.

You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."

I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!