Roast jokes
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."
Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!
School sucks, just like you, get roasted nerds.
Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.
What happened when the duck crossed the road?
It crossed the road.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!
If I missed something, I'll give it to you. If you taked it, you are a mistake.
You call me ugly, but maybe that is why we look alike.
You: You are such a flick pain.
Me: You are flick pain to my sight.
You're so fat that when you stepped on a scale, it said, "To be continued..."
Friend: Do you think she likes me?
Me: Yah.
Friend: Really😀😀😀?
Me: Hell no.
Friend: 😥😓😫😭😭😭😭😭😭 You did not have to be so honest.
Deez nuts, ahaha!
Shut the fuck up, you fat bitch. You always like to roast others, but you can't walk up the stairs without passing out, you fat, stupid bitch. And I caught you breaking into someone's house just to steal a piece of candy, fat-ass bitch.