Roast jokes
You're so ugly whenever you say hi, people walk away and say that you were too ugly, and they go take a bath right away because you're so stinky.
They say that you look like your mama. Wait, your mama must be just like you because I can see her way from a mile!
You say you put on perfume, but every time I smell you, you smell like poo-poo. You're so ugly that when your mom looks in the mirror, you cry. You're so stupid the second-grade teacher had to tell you to go all the way to kindergarten. Head Start is every grade below you. You can't even go to the 20th grade, which stands for 9th grade. You can't even go to grocery stores, and people that tell you that you're so ugly give you compliments just to make you feel better. You know that everybody just likes you just because they just don't want to hurt your feelings, so just stay in your mind. Hey, you want to text Matt; you know it was you because every time you see you, you think that you matter. Matter fact, he doesn't even like you; he just wants your money girl. Who even likes you? 😈😈
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You: Why? To get to the little b***h's house!
Knock knock! You: Who's there? The chicken!
You could be sitting alone and still be the dumbest person in the room.
One little orphan had roast beef, the other had none.
One little orphan went to market, the other stayed home. Wait a second.
A husband walks into the bedroom door holding two aspirin and a glass of water.
His wife asked what that was for.
"It is for your headache."
"I don't have a headache."
He smiles. "Gotcha!!!!"
Me: Roasts my annoying cousin.
Everyone at the barbecue...
"You're fat as a cow."
"......."
"Nope."
You're so skinny you never gain weight. You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so tall that you are a measuring tape.
Girlfriend: Babe, what do you think of our love?
Me: Look at the stars in the sky.
Girlfriend: Aww... it’s infinity, right?
Me: No, it’s a waste of time.
Girlfriend: I’m breaking up with you.
Me: Whatever, when I take out the trash, I think of you.
I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."
Bro, they almost forgot you in the abortion bucket.
You're so goddamn stupid, you thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
When you went to an ugly competition, the judges said, "No professionals allowed."
I am a good role model, because you look up to me. Deez nuts!
School sucks, just like you, get roasted nerds.
Yo mama sooooooo fucking fat, when she takes a step, she needs a 5-min break.
What happened when the duck crossed the road?
It crossed the road.
You're so skinny you're a thin stick.
You're so fat that when you got in Pacific Ocean, you became the Pacific Ocean.
You're so ugly you got stuff for free.
You're so nasty that when you eat spaghetti, you thought it was throw up.
You're so fat you're the fattest person on Earth.
You are so gay you kissed the boy last night.
I know your name is baller cause I'm gonna put my baller into yo MOTHER HOLLER!