Road jokes
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To check in on his flat mate.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get away from the British bastard and get the egg roll.
Why did the Mafia cross the road?
Forget about it...
I saw a cyclist in the road today, so I ran over him and he said in a robotic voice, "SHUTTING DOWN!"
They said I couldn't drive.
Now they know I can't cause they are all dead.
Memes
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
What bounces up and down at 100 miles per hour?
A baby tied to the back of a pick up truck.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road? A: It was stapled to the chicken.
Q: Why did the Koala fall out of the tree? A: Because it was dead.
Q: Why did the baby fall out of the tree? A: Because it was stapled to the koala.
Q: Why did the tree fall over? A: The koala never let go.
Q: Why did the kangaroo die? A: Because the koala landed on it.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It didn't; it got stuck in a crack.
The man walks into a bar, reaches into his pocket, and pulls out a tiny piano and a tiny piano player. The piano player starts playing the piano. The guy next to him asks where he got that. The man says there is a genie out on the corner granting wishes.
So the man sitting next to him jumps up and runs outside. He says to the genie, "I want a million bucks." The genie snaps his fingers, and a million ducks appear in the road. The man comes back inside and says, "Hey, that genie is a little hard of hearing." The man says, "Well, did you really think I'd ask for a 12-inch pianist?"
How do you know if a comedian is high?
Comedian: Why did the wings cross the road? To get to chicken.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To get to the curry shop.
Why did ItsFunneh go on the road? She so Draco looking at a car then the car runs over him, sad Draco.
One time, me and the bois got drunk and we were on the freeway...
...when the road was closed because a wild animal species named “The Cult” was on the loose.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To get to the idiot's house.
Ok, wanna hear another one? Okay. Knock knock. (Who's there?) The chicken from the other joke.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he was stapled to the punk rocker.
Q: Why did the vegetable cross the road?
A: 'Cause someone let go of the handle bars.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
Wade, you're a joke. The worst joke.
Hoped this would be a safer, more fun place to talk to my BP friends, but I guess not.
I've also learned that some people think "worst jokes ever" = "terrible unfunny jokes that make light of people who died horribly or otherwise suffered" instead of things like "why did the chicken cross the road?"-type jokes.
Maybe I'm just too old at this point.