How did Helen Keller drive?
One hand on the wheel, one hand on the road.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
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Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
'Cause she didn't wear a seatbelt.
Why didn't the chicken cross the road?
He got hit!
What did the stop sign say to the street sign when he couldn't read a map?
"Can you give me some pointers?"
What did the duck do when he crossed the road?
The duck jumped into a pool of ant piles! 💀💀
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.
Yesterday, I tried to help a little girl by a road stop crying. I asked her where her parents were, and that made her cry harder. So then I asked her where her house was, and she said with tears, "I don't have one." So I got her in my car and drove her to where she said she was living. It was an orphanage.
A pedo is driving down a highway really slowly and gets stopped by the police. The officer asks why he was driving so slowly. The man answers, "I don't wake up the kids."
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
