Road jokes
Why did the cow cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to go to a moooooooooooooooooooooooovie.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the church.
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
The Priest... Let's go to my office, because I'm totally not a pedophile.
What's the difference between a yellow line and a baby?
You can't run over a yellow line.
What did the green light say to the red light? - Don't look, I'm changing!
Why did the Indian cross the road?
To get to the curry shop.
Why did the pedophile cross the road?
Because there was a school on the other side.
Who works at IHOP? A girl with one leg.
P1: Why did the chicken cross the road?
P2: To get to the other side DUH?!?
P1: No dumbass, it's to get run over because he has depression, a chronic illness, and his father left him for a good for nothing pimp that doesn’t even give a shit about how he feels. (Kinda like me).
P2: Holy shit are u ok? *Some random eavesdropping fucker dials 911 in a hurry*
A physicist, an engineer and a programmer were in a car driving over a steep alpine pass when the brakes failed. The car was getting faster and faster, they were struggling to get round the corners and once or twice only the feeble crash barrier saved them from crashing down the side of the mountain. They were sure they were all going to die, when suddenly they spotted an escape lane. They pulled into the escape lane, and came safely to a halt. The physicist said, "We need to model the friction in the brake pads and the resultant temperature rise, see if we can work out why they failed." The engineer said, "I think I've got a few spanners in the back. I'll take a look and see if I can work out what's wrong." The programmer said, "Why don't we get going again and see if it's reproducible?"
Why did the camel cross the road?
Because it wanted to get to the bright green grass.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road? She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because she wanted to have an affair with the rooster.
Why did my dad cross the road?
To get to the nearest building so he wouldn't die in the crippling smoke of the most terrifying and only terrorist attack on American soil.
Why did the skunk cross the road?
To get to the odor side!
What's the difference between my car and a hooker? I park my car in a garage instead of leaving it on the side of the road.
A man walks into a bar with a piece of asphalt under his arm. The bartender asks what he wants. The man says, "I would like one beer for me and one for the road."
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
A man saw a kid on the road, and the man asked: "Where are your parents?" The boy: "..." The man left the adoption center.
Why did the kid cross the road?
Because he wasn't wearing his seat belt! 😂
Why did the emo step in front of a car? To get to the other side.
Why did the pervert cross the road?
His dick was stuck in the chicken.