Road jokes
When does Stephen Hawking cross the road?
When it says "DON'T WALK."
Q. Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
A. There was a daycare on the other side.
Why did Anne cross the road?
To get a new head ;)
Two lions plan their escape from the circus. The night they get out of their cages, they see a lone clown stumbling back from town, drunk, not a soul in sight. Since they are going on the run, they decide to catch one last meal before they hit the road.
As one lion gets a bite of leg, the second takes a piece of shoulder.
Then one stops and asks his companion:
"Does this taste funny to you?"
A blonde starts a new job at a local car dealership when a wealthy gentleman comes in looking for a spacious car for his large family. The blonde is excited as she gets commission, so eagerly shows him the most expensive SUVs.
The gentleman has a good look around before saying to the blonde, "It looks perfect.... But cargo space?" To which she instantly replied, "Oh, I'm sorry, sir, car only for road."
Why did the fat rape victim cross the road?
To block traffic.
Why did Mimi cross the road?
She had cancer.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
To get to a mattress store!
Scratches on an icy road and kills 50 people on the bus, and when they get to Heaven, God feels so bad for them and grants them all one wish.
The first lady in the line was always worried about her looks, so she wished to be beautiful, and the guy behind her couldn’t think of what to wish about, so he also wished to be beautiful. This kept on going, but the guy at the end of the line started to laugh. When he got to God, God says, “What is your one wish, my son?” He said, “I wish you can make them all ugly again.”
Why did the orphan cross the road?
Because his parents couldn’t help him out!
What is big and fun and yellow? A school bus!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to the gay guy's house. Knock, knock. Who's there? Chicken.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: It just felt like it.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To get to his job at KFC!
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Why did the emu cross the road? Because it was the chicken's day off. Yeah, I hate myself, man.
Why did the orphan cross the road?
To die on the other side.
What happened to the police that crossed the road?
They solved a murder involving the nut case.
What do you call an idiot who walks on the road when cars are coming?
Fresh roadkill.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe