Why did Princess Di cross the road? Momentum.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.
Why did Michael Jackson cross the road?
To get to the opera.
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!
“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.
Yo mama is so slow, when she stepped on the highway they had to order a crane to come move her from starting traffic.
Why did the pedo cross the road?
To get to the pre-school on the other side.
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
A homeless man sees a woman about to jump off a bridge.
A homeless man is walking along a road and comes across a bridge. On the bridge is a woman standing on the railing, clearly about to jump. He approaches the woman.
"Hey lady, are you about to jump?"
"Back off! If you come any closer, I'll do it!" she replies.
"Well, that's fine," he says, "but before you do, can I ask a favor? I'm pretty down on my luck, and it's been a long time since I've felt the touch of a woman, so if it's all the same to you, would you have sex with me first?"
"Eww no, fuck off you creep!" the woman shouts back.
"Fine," the man says. "I'll just go wait at the bottom."
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
A 60 year old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12 year old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared”. The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone”.
