Road jokes
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
Why did the sperm cross the road?
I put on the wrong socks this morning.
Yesterday I saw a guy spill all his Scrabble letters on the road.
So I asked him, “What’s the word on the street?”
How is a woman like a road?
They both have manholes.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(
Why did your mom cross the road?
Why? She didn't, she got hit by a car.
Why’d the chicken cross the road?
To get choked and stroked by Mr. Big Bloke!
“We’ll choke and stroke, it ain’t no joke!”
Why can’t the baby cross the road?
Walls.
Why did the gum cross the road?
It was stuck to the chicken’s foot.