Road jokes
1, 2, 3, 4, 5. I'm old enough to drive, for now I'm still alive, till I crash in that beehive!
So, a retarded kid's mom drops her kid off at school and says, "You better stop the bus today, because I’m not picking you up." So he agrees, and he arrives at the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The next day, the mom says the same thing, and the kid goes to the bus stop and says, "Stop!" (in a retarded voice). The bus goes straight past him. The third day, his mom says, "I don’t care if I have to jump out in the middle of the road, you better stop that bus!" So the kid goes to the bus stop and jumps out in the middle of the road and says, "Stop!" The bus driver runs over him. A nearby lady stops the bus and says, "Why’d you run that poor kid over?" and he responds, "'Cause he was making fun of me" (in a retarded voice).
Why can't the toilet paper cross the road? Because it got stuck in a crack!
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Okay, so one time a deaf kid got into a car accident, but he didn't herd in on the news.
So, this guy and his wife figure out that she has gotten pregnant. The baby is due March 31st. Well, the guy is at work and he gets a call from his wife. She tells him she is going into labor. He rushes to pick her up, and once he is on the road, he starts speeding. Eventually, he hits another car and swerves off the road into a ditch. He wakes up in the hospital, looks around but doesn’t see his wife. He asks the doctor, "Is my wife okay? She was carrying my child." The doctor said the wife is fine and the baby is in good health. 10 seconds later he goes, "APRIL FOOLS! Your wife is dead and your child has brain damage."
Why do deer stay in front of a moving car?
To commit suicide.
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.
A blind guy shot up a town.
I guess he couldn’t see the road to heaven.
How is a beer can and an Indian the same? You can find them both smashed on the side of the road!
Why is the chicken that crossed the road a cannibal? Because he went to KFC.
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
Why did my foot cross the road?
Because your ass was on the other side.
You were born on a road. That's where most accidents happen.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
If Hitler was in a car doing his salute, he would be saying, "Take the third right."
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because he got hit by a car.
Why can't the T-Rex cross the road?
Because he's extinct.
Why did the Russian cross the road?
To get to the other side.