Road jokes
Why did the chicken cross the road? Who gives a shit? I wanna know how it got the car started!
Why did the frog cross the road?
To show his gang that he had guts.
Why did Princess Diana cross the road?
She wasn't wearing a seat belt.
A hired gun gets on a private plane to his next contract. Halfway through the trip, he notices the plane rapidly losing altitude. So he opens that back of the plane and starts tossing out everything he doesn't need: grenades, guns, ammo—unless it was bolted down, it went out. He stopped throwing things out when the plane started to regain altitude.
When the plane lands, he sees some kids giggling on the side of the road. "What's so funny?" he asks.
"Daddy farted and the house blew up," said a singed little boy.
How did Princess Diana cross the road?
Through the windshield!
Why didn't Stephen Hawking cross the road?
Because he rolled over to the other side!
Why did the orphan run into the street? To get to the other side of life.
I saw a sign that said, "Falling Rocks." I tried it, and it doesn't.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Because he wanted to go to the Shell station.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
The parents who left their kids on the side of the road should have thought twice and got an abortion.
Why did a cop in the 1960s cross the road? To arrest a faggot for cross-dressing.
Why did Little Johnny drop his ice cream?
Because he got hit by a bus.
I love playing zebra crossing, but I always get run over.
Q: Why did the baby cross the road?
A: It wasn't in its car seat.
Why did Princess Di cross the road?
Momentum.
My car fell in a ditch today. Didn't want any more cars falling, so I put a car-pet over it.
Were you bought on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen.
Why did the child cross the road?
Because he didn’t wear a seatbelt.
Chuck Norris knows why the chicken crossed the road.