Road jokes
Why did the leper fail his driving test?
He left his foot on the clutch.
What did the emo say before he crossed the road?
"Fuck my life."
What’s a gay person’s favorite race track?
Rainbow Road.
What road goes all the way to the sky? A highway.
Q: Why did the chicken cross the road?
A: To get the Chinese Daily!
Get it? I don't either--I get the New York Times!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To go to the bitch house.
Knock knock.
Who's there?
The chicken.
Driving on a road at night and hit a speed bump. Remember, there are no speed bumps... I hit Bambi!
Kill yourself in any way. I'm killing myself the HIGHway.
My friend said this to me: "Were you born on a highway? Because that's where most accidents happen." :(
There are three men walking down the road, and they come across a farm that is for sale. The three men look at each other and put all their money together to buy the farm. On that farm, there is a cow, a monkey, and a bunch of cow food. The men are out of money, and the farm is going out of business.
One of the men sees that there is a contest for the biggest cow in the county. They entered the contest, but the cow is so thin. Every time they tried to feed the cattle, it would poop and lose weight again, so one of them suggested that they put a cork up the cow's behind. The first guy says, "Okay, then go put a cork there."
"I don't want to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it." And the monkey puts the cork in the cow's behind. They win the biggest cow contest and get the money they need to save the farm.
The second guy realizes that they need to take the cork out of the cow. "Guys, we need to take the cork out of the cow," he says.
"Well, I'm not going to do it. You do it."
"No, you do it."
The third guy says, "Let's just get the monkey to do it again." So the monkey uncorks the cow, and there was a huge explosion. A few days later, the three men wake up in the hospital.
The doctor walks up to the first man and asks, "What happened?"
The first man replies, "All I remember is that horrible sound."
The doctor walks up to the second man and asks, "What happened?"
"All I remember is that horrible smell..."
The doctor walks up to the third man and again asks the same question. The third man looks at him and says, "All I remember is that poor poor monkey trying to put the cork back in."
A blonde woman was speeding down the road in her little red sports car and was pulled over by a woman police officer, who was also a blonde.
The blonde cop asked to see the blonde driver's license. She dug through her purse and was getting progressively more agitated.
'What does it look like?' she finally asked. The policewoman replied, 'It's square and it has you picture on it.'
The driver finally found a square mirror in her purse, looked at it and handed it to the policewoman. 'Here it is,' she said.
The blonde officer looked at the mirror, then handed it back saying, "OK, you can go. I didn't realize you were a cop..."
Why did Sophia cross the road?
To eat her nuggies!
Why did the chicken cross the road?
To end his pain and suffering.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
What do you call a car on the side of the road, lit up and ablaze?
Paul Walker's death.
Why did the chicken cross the road? To help Stephen Hawking cross!
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
Why did the deer cross the road? Its friends deered it to.
What hates socialism but still uses roads, police, and says they support the military?
Dumb right wingers.
Q. Why did Josh Duggar cross the road?
A. There was a daycare on the other side.