Road jokes
Daveon is so straight, he can't even handle a slight bend in the road.
What do you call a toddler lying in the middle of the road? Speed bump.
I've been hit by several things in my life.
Sadly, never a car.
My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.
I was sitting in traffic the other day.
Probably why I got run over.
What's the last thing to go through a fly's head as it hits a car's windshield at 100 mph?
Its ass.
Why did the zebra cross the road?
Why did the fat rape victim cross the road?
To block traffic.
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
Stephen Hawking died crossing the road. He was hit by a Universal Serial Bus.
What's the difference between a road bump and children crossing the road?
A road bump will make you slow down when you drive over it.
Q: There were two tampons walking down the road the other day. Guess what they said to each other?
A: Nothing, 'cause they're both stuck-up cunts.
Why did Jordan cross the road? So he could get to his house.
Why did the child cross the road?
To get to the other slide.
What did the pickle do on the road?
It said, "I'm Pickle Rick!"
Why did Stephen Hawking roll across the road? Because he had amyotrophic lateral sclerosis.
A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”
Why did Paul Walker cross the road?
He wasn't wearing a seatbelt.
What is red, green, lies in a ditch, and is covered in cookie crumbs?
...A girl scout that got hit by a car.
Why didn’t the cat cross the road?
Answer: Because it’s a scaredy-cat.