What is big and fun and yellow? A school bus 🚌
Why did the chicken commit suicide?
To get to the other side.
Why did the hedgehog cross the road?
To get to the other side (suicide).
Why did the second hedgehog cross the road?
To see his flatmate.
Yo mama so fat that when she crossed the road, people mistook her for a roundabout.
A turtle is crossing the road when he’s mugged by two snails. When the police show up, they ask him what happened. The shaken turtle replies, “I don’t know. It all happened so fast.”
Why is Stephen Hawking a bad influence on children?
Because he only looks one way when crossing the road.
Why did the bat cross the road? Because to get to the blood bar.
Why did ze cow cross the road?
yo watch his mum getting butchered she was an udder failure.
Why did the chicken cross the road? Because North Korea's long-range missiles can't reach that far.
Why did the Mexican chicken cross the road?
Because the mom said, "Vente, Baca."
You're walking on the street when you realize that you're in the road as you feel the horn dying away.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
It was on a roll.
Two guys were walking down the street, and one of the guys told his friend he could talk any blond in the world into giving him a blowjob, any blond!
So the guy bet him 20 bucks and pointed to this cute blond sitting on the side of the road and said, "Alright, let's see it!"
The other guy walks up to the cutie and says, "Hi, my name's Dave, and my doctor just told me that if I didn't get a blowjob from a blond within three hours, the disease I have will kill me in, oh, let's see now, 22 minutes!"
She looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, "You mean I could save you from dying right now?" Then she says, "Pull it out!"
Ten minutes later, the two men were laughing and patting old Dave on the back when his friend noticed the blond sitting in the alley bawling her eyes out!
So he walks over to her and says, "I would have thought you would be so happy for saving my friend's life?!"
So she looks up at him just crying her eyes out even worse and says, "I could have saved my dad!"
Two tomatoes are walking on a road. Then a car runs over one of them, and the other says: "Hi, ketchup!"
Q: Why can't Helen Keller drive?
A: Because she's a woman.
Why did the Chicken cross the road? You:Why? To get to the little b***h's house! Knock knock! You:Who's there? The chicken (this is more like a roast and a pun lol)
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."
I have a fear of speed bumps, but I'm slowly getting over them.
Why did the pillow cross the road?
Because his cousin's name was Koshin, and he didn't want to live anymore.
A 60-year-old man is walking along a deserted road with a 12-year-old boy. It’s getting dark, and the boy says, “Hey mister, it’s getting dark and I’m scared.”
The man replies, “You’re scared? I’ve got to walk back to town alone!”
