Ring jokes

"Ring Ring! Hi, I've been needing to call you. Your hairline has been found by Dora after 25 years!"

Mom: I'm going to the shop. If someone is at the door, don't open it.

Me: Ok.

*Ring*

Me: Opens the door.

Oh sh*t!

Mom: Gets flip flop.

I hate my stupid wrinkly ring doing f, dad!

*Ring Ring!*

Who’s there?

Soldier!

Soldier who?

You’ve soldier house! Congrats!

waHt

How do you know if your sister's on her period?

Your dad's dick tastes funny.

What's worse than fingering your sister?

Finding your dad's wedding ring inside her.

What is a rabbit's favorite type of jewelry?

Carats.

Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.

Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.

Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."

What did the cell phone say to his wife?

"I will give you a ring."

When do Americans answer their door?

Once freedom rings! ❤️🤍💙

What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?

The Two Towers.

By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?

Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.

Enjoy!

I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her an onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hula hoop.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

I don't ever really bother women, but when I do, I usually just want to talk. I guess since I just so happened to be a straight male that's not a 10 or a 5, I get shutdown so fast. I put out lit candles...like damn, I thought I hid my ring.

When the phone is ringing, Dad says, "If it's for me, don't answer it."

Doctor, doctor! I feel like a pair of curtains! Well, pull yourself together, then.

Doctor, doctor! My brother's crazy! He thinks he's a chicken. Is he egging around? Yes, but we need to get the eggs.

Woman: Doctor, doctor! I keep thinking I'm an elephant! Doctor: Run around the room. Then the woman stomps around the room and breaks things.

Doctor, doctor! I fell like a bell! Shall I ring you, then? When can you ring me up?

Doctor, doctor! I have a ball stuck in my throat! Shall I bat it and get a run, then?

Saturn was so loved, someone put a ring on him.

How do you measure the circumference of Uranus?

By the rings around it.

"Lord of the Rings" is about a group of white Americans taking nine hours to return jewelry.

What is Saturn's favorite song?

"7 Rings."