**** (A cell phone in an upscale gym locker room in NYC rings and the man puts it on loud speaker next to him ... everyone else in the room stops to listen): Man : Hello? Woman : Hi honey, it's me. Are you at the club? Man : Yes. Woman : I’m out shopping and found a beautiful leather coat. It’s only $2,000 – is it OK if I buy it? Man : Sure, go ahead if you like it that much. Woman : I also stopped by that new Lexus dealership and saw one of the new models I really like – it’s on an opening special. Man : How much? Woman : $90,000. Man : Wow! OK, but for that price I want it with all the options. Woman : Great! Oh, and one more thing ... I was just talking to Jamie and found out that the house we wanted to buy last year is back on the market ... they’re asking $980,000 for it. Remember it was well over a million when we looked at it? Man : I dunno. Make an offer for $900,000 and they’ll probably take it. If not, we can go the extra $80,000 if that’s what you really want. Woman : OK. I’ll see you later! I love you so much! Man : I love you to. **** (The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room were staring at him in astonishment, mouths wide open.) The man turns around and says : “Anyone know whose phone this is”?
Who would win in a fight, in a boxing ring? Mike Tyson or Helen Keller with a Tommy gun? Mike Tyson. Helen Keller never heard the bell.
What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?
Its rings!
Ring.. Ring.. Yes this this is Dave from the Orphanage, you make em we take em, how may I be of service?
A female class teacher was having a problem with a boy in her class in Grade 3.... The boy said, "Madam, I should be in Grade 4. I am smarter than my sister & she's in Grade 4".
The Madam had heard enough and took the boy to the principal.The principal decided to test the boy with some questions from Grade 4.
*Principal:* What is 3+3?
*Boy:* 6.
*Principal:* 6+6.
*Boy:* 12.
The boy got all the questions right. The principal told the Madam to send the boy to Grade 4 immediately. The Madam decided to ask her own questions and the principal agreed.
*Madam:* What does a cow have 4 of that I have only 2?
*Boy:* Legs.
*Madam:* What is in your trousers that I don't have?
*Boy:* Pockets.
*Madam:* What starts with a C and ends with T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin, whitish liquid?
*Boy:* Coconut.
*Madam:* What goes in hard & then comes out soft & sticky?
The principal's eyes opened really wide, but before he could stop the answer, the boy was taking charge
*Boy:* Bubble gum.
*Madam:* You stick your pole inside me. You tie me down to get me up, I get wet before you do.
*Boy:* Tent.
*The principal was looking restless*
*Madam:* A finger goes in me. You fiddle with me when you are bored. The best man always has me first?.
*Boy:* Wedding ring.
*Madam:* I come in many sizes. When I'm not well, I Drip. When you blow me, you feel good?
*Boy:* Nose.
*Madam:* I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates, I come with a quiver.
*Boy:* Arrow.
*Principal:* O MY GOD.
*Madam:* What starts with 'F' and ends wit a 'K' and if you don't get it, you've to use your hand?
*Boy:* Fork.
*Madam:* What is it that all men have, it's longer in some men than others, the Pope doesn't use his and a man gives it to his wife after marriage?
*Boy:* Surname.
*Principal:* Ohooo !
*Madam:* What part of the man has no bone but has muscles with a lot of veins like pumpkin and is responsible for making love?
*Boy:* Heart.
*Principal:* Eeeeeh! The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the Madam, "Send this bloody boy to the university. I myself got all the answers wrong!"
What did Mars say to Saturn: Give me one of your rings😄
My Dad pays a lot of attention to our household and has always had a good eye for detail. He was the one that first noticed that my mother and I have the same ring size.
Forrest Gump: Who’s your favorite Lodd of the Rings character? Lieutenant Dan: Legaless
I'm the champion of this site I fight with the ten rings and ten fists of the legendary buddah.
Now for my joke... Why does Peter pan always fly? Because he neverlands..
What’s worse than finger banging your sister? Finding your dad‘s wedding ring
The bell rings and Ana was about to leave but the teacher said "the bell doesn't dismiss you I do" the next day Ana was late and the teacher asked "why are you late " and Ana replied with "the bell doesn't tell me when I should arrive I do"
mom: im going to the shop if somone is on the door dont open me: ok *ring* me: opens oh sh*t mom: gets flip flop
*Ring Ring!* Who’s there? Soldier! Soldier who? You’ve soldier house! Congrats! waHt
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to take Snoop Dog for a walk.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to put Vin Diesel in her gas tank.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to mop the floor with Tayler Swift.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to ring Kristen Bell.
Yo mama so stupid, she tried to skim Dwayne Johnson across a lake.
What Lord of the Rings book is banned from the United States?
The Two Towers
When do Americans answer their door?
Once freedom rings ❤️🤍💙
By the way, why are there no knock knock jokes about America?
Because freedom rings, but they never answer that door.
(Enjoy!)
I didn’t know if she was anorexic or not, so I tossed her a onion ring to see if she would eat it or use it as a hoola hoop
How do you know if someone is anorexic? You toss them a onion ring and see if they eat it, or use it as a hula hoop.
When phone ringing Dad says ‘If it’s for me don’t answer it.’
