Right

Right jokes

Duck

    • I have a taste for some roast duck until the feathers will pop right out and say, "Quack, quack."

    Tree

    • What did a tree do for a human rights day at a tree?

    I had no time today after a night with you today, but you walk away.

    Banana

    • If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

    Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

    Right memes

    Book

    • I’m reading a book on antigravity right now.

    It’s impossible to put down.

    Privilege

    • Can people please shut up about "male privileges"? There is no right that men have that women don't.

    Women have the right to genital integrity. Women can vote without having to sign up for the draft.

    Women have the right to choose parenthood; men do not.

    Women have the right to be assumed caregivers for children.

    Women have the right to call unwanted, coerced sex rape.

    Women have the right to lower jail sentences for the same crime.

    Women have the right to not be assumed sexual predators.

    Women have the right to government departments that solely serve their interests. They also have the luxury of "women only" events that men cannot even dream of. (They even took the boy scouts away from us.)

    Women have the right to government-enforced gender quotas.

    Women have the right to exclusive tax benefits for being a business owner.

    Women have the right to domestic violence shelters.

    Women have the right to not be assumed the primary aggressor in a domestic dispute.

    Women have the right to rape a man or boy, and if she gets pregnant from that man/boy, they can sue him for child support.

    So it is women who have more rights.

    So shut up, feminists, please.

    Star

    • So, on one partly cloudy night, there was a boy and his dad gazing up at the sky.

    Dad: Aren't the stars just wonderful?

    Boy: I'm not sure, from my angle, all I see are clouds.

    Dad: Well, come over here and take a look.

    Boy: Damn, the clouds always move when I get to the right spot!

    Dad: Well then, I guess I will have to make you see them everywhere you look then.

    Then the Dad shook and spun the boy around till he said...

    NOW I'M SEEING STARS!!!

    War

    • A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

    "What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

    Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

    "Oh, right. How's it going?"

    "Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

    "Wow! What about NATO?"

    "They haven't turned up yet."

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    • Magic Trick

    • I told my mom, "Do you want to see a magic trick?" She said yes. I said, "You are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." My mom said, "No, I'm not," but I told my mom, "I'm going to need your assistance." First, I need you to lick and suck on my hot dog that is attached to me, which she did. The next minute my mom has a cream pie over her face. Then I told my mom, "You see, you are going to have a hot dog and cream pie together." Then my mom said, "When you are right, you are right."

  • 0

    • Emo

    • You wanna hear a joke?

    Two Emos hanging out under a tree.

    How many Emos does it take to commit suicide? Way too fucking many, because they never get it right the first time!

    Sister

    • So I was playing on my phone, and my mom said to go and take the trash out, so I pick up my sister and threw her in the garbage bin and said, "Mom told me to." And when I came back in, my mom said not to do that ever again, but then I told her that she says not to lie, so I was doing the right thing. 👍

  • 0

    • Ice Cream

    • An old lady walks into an ice cream store. A clerk greets her and says, "What will it be today, ma'am? We have every flavor you can imagine." The old lady says, "Well, I guess I'd like a quart of chocolate ice cream." The clerk says, "Sorry, ma'am, we're out of chocolate today. Any other flavor we'll have." "Ok," she replies, "Why don't you just give me a pint of chocolate ice cream?" The clerk says a little louder in case she's hard of hearing, "Sorry, ma'am, but we're fresh out of chocolate ice cream." The old lady says, "Oh, ok. Why don't you just get me a cone with one scoop of chocolate ice cream?"

    Finally, totally exasperated, the clerk says, "Wait a minute, lady. Can you spell 'Van' as in vanilla?" "Why of course, young man," she says, "V-A-N." "Right," the clerk says, "Can you spell 'Straw' as in strawberry?" "Well of course, 'Straw'," she replied. "Ok, then," he says, "Now spell 'Fuck' as in chocolate." She says, "There's no 'Fuck' in chocolate." He says, "That's what I've been trying to tell you... THERE'S NO FUCKING CHOCOLATE!!!"

  • 1

    • Alphabet

    • Dang... if I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put D IN U ;)

    I only know there are 25 letters in the alphabet, I don't know Y.

    (Me: How many letters are in the alphabet?) -- (Friend: 11- T-H-E-- A-L-P-H-A-B-E-T)

    (Me: There are 20 letters in the alphabet, right?) -- (Crush: No, there is actually 26.) -- (Me: oooOoh, I forgot u r a qt! So its acdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz?) -- (Crush: You forgot the D) -- (Me: That's not needed yet ;])

    What letter is really hot? T

    C = cOCK O = CoCK C = COcK K = COCk COCK = cock cock = COCK

    ME SExUAL SRrY LoL