The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."
The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."
What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?
Pizza deliveries get their orders right.
I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.
She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?
About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.
Why was the noble gas not emo?
Because they were thinking RIGHT.
Are you serious right now, bro?
I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"
You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!
Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.
*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
To find the right direction for his FLOW.
