Right jokes
Why was the noble gas not emo?
Because they were thinking RIGHT.
Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?
Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."
Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"
Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.
Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.
She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.
*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*
Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.
Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.
Me: Am actually happy right now.
Life: Lol one sec.
You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.
What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?
"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"
Get it?
Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.
*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****
Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
Are you a gravestone?
Because I really wish you were on top of me right now!
What do us emos all have in common?
Depression. Anxiety. The sole desire to just start saying you wanna kys right out of the blue a lot and saying "I CAN'T WAIT TO JUMP OF THAT BUILDING SOON!" and other people say, "Idgaf, do it, all of us would be happy."
Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?
To find the right direction for his FLOW.
I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.
Why is 10 so scared? Because he is right in the middle of 9/11.