Right jokes

What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?

Pizza deliveries get their orders right.

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"