Right jokes

Are you serious right now, bro?

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

What's the difference between pizza deliveries and the Twin Towers?

Pizza deliveries get their orders right.

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

Beauty is blind? Ya damn right, 'cause that's what happened when she saw your ass.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

I said, "Are you half left or half right?"

"Neither! In-between."

"What?! In between your mom's tits when you go to sleep with her at night?"

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.