Right jokes

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

How many hookers fit in a Cadillac?

About 4 in the trunk if you stack 'em right.

Why was the noble gas not emo?

Because they were thinking RIGHT.

Are you serious right now, bro?

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Girl: "Dad."

Dad: "Do I love you?"

Girl: "I am a prostitute."

Dad: "Yes."

Woman 2: "Dad."

Dad: "Right?"

Woman 2: "I'm a woman too."

Father: "God, do you love children?"

Boy: "Yes..."

If someone says 67 one more time, I'll say 9/11 and swoop right under their feet like the Twin Towers.