Right jokes

I arrived at basketball and I asked little Jimmy if he brought the basketballs, and he said, "Nope, but I got two right here!"

Why was the noble gas not emo?

Because they were thinking RIGHT.

Are you serious right now, bro?

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

The toothbrush says, "I have the worst job in the whole world."

The toilet paper behind him says, "Yeah, right."

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

You went the wrong way. Always choose the right path.

Yo momma's armpits stink so bad she made Right Guard turn to left.

Daughter: Hey Dad, can I use your car?

Dad: Sure, but first you have to give me a blow job."

Daughter: Okay, (proceeds to service dad). Dad, ewww, your dick tastes like shite!"

Dad: Oh, that's right, I lent your brother the car.

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

A buddy and I checked out some books from a local library. When we returned them, he said, "Your sister works the returns, right?" I told him, "Yes, she does, and she will be here in about five minutes." He said, "Why don’t we put a cookbook in the women’s sports section?" I told him, "I love it!" So I picked out a Reese Witherspoon book.

The best news about a pretty girl with special needs is that you can get her to do exactly what you want her to do.

I mean, she probably thinks receiving oral is like 100% blood sausage coming right at her.

Your mom is the biggest tosser on the planet, yeah, you heard right.

I don't have to strain myself a blood vessel and be wankin' solo anymore; she saved me a whole load of arthritis.

You realize we are tolerating you, right?

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.