Right jokes

She left, and now I support women's rights. I will kill her.

I really wanna hit you right now, but that would be animal abuse.

Doctor: I will deliver the baby right away.

Dad: I would like the baby to have a liver.

*walks into a comedy night club* Owner: "You're doing standup tonight, right?" Noob Joker (you): "Yes, I am!" Owner: "Get onto the stage." Me: *walks up stage* Owner: "This is the standup comedian noobpro." Me: "Hey guys, how about some Donald Trump?" Crowd: *RUNS*

Me: Am actually happy right now.

Life: Lol one sec.

What did the undershirt say to the T-shirt when they were fighting?

"If you don't shut up right now, you're gonna lose your shirt!!!"

Get it?

There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?

Why did the skeleton never get cold? Because it went right through him!

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

I asked my mom if I was adopted. She said no, "Why the fuck would I adopt you?" and I said "I'm gonna kill myself," and she also said, "Make sure you do it right this time."

How do you make a mime cry?

You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.

Why did the rapper bring a map to the studio?

To find the right direction for his FLOW.

There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."

John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"

Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"

John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Last week, I made a joke about leftists. Now it is time for me to take shots at the right, and then I will move on to centrists. But I just said the same thing twice.

What did the North Tower say to the South Tower? I can’t talk right now, I gotta catch a plane.

You realize we are tolerating you, right?

I confessed to my crush in preschool. Unfortunately, she rejected me. I just carried on and got right back to teaching.

Once at school, a teacher thought I was Russian. Why do you think that? I said. The teacher replied, because you're reading from Right to Left.

If your hairline was a river, it would meander left, right, and backwards.