Retail jokes

Why don't you fart in an Apple Store?

Because they don't have any Windows.

So, a guy walked into the store and said to the worker: "Is this free?"

Then the worker said: "Nope, 'cause I'm on sale!"

A guy in a Costco was pretty pissed off at something. A guy walks up to him and says, "What's wrong, pal? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned aisle!"

A car alarm went to the store.

Cashier: Hello.

Car Alarm: BMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMWAAAMAAHAMAMAMAMAAMHMMMMMMMMAMAMAMMMMMMMMMMMMMAAMMAMMMMMMMMMMM BBEEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BEEP BWAAAAMAAA!

Cashier: That will be 10 Dollars, sir.

Why did the chicken go to the mall?

To get new feathers!

Don’t fart in an Apple Store.

It has no Windows.

How does Stephen Hawking get clean?

He uses Tesco car wash.

People sometimes ask me why I cut myself. I usually answer that at least I can scan my worth at the supermarket.

Where do sheep go to shop?

Woolmart.

Where did Stephen Hawking spend most of his spare time?...

Currys PC World.

When was the first Black Friday?

1619.

So I went to the binoculars shop the other day. Tell you what, they saw me coming.

I bought a gun from Walmart today. I guess they knew what I was going to do with it, because when I pulled the gun on the cashier, I realized the firing mechanism was in reverse.

So, about a year ago I was riding a horse, and out of nowhere the horse tried to flip me off it and I fell off. I would have been OK, but my foot got stuck in the stirrup. The horse dragged me along and didn't stop.

I would have died if it weren't for the Walmart manager who came out and unplugged the horse.

If Stephen Hawking is dying, where do I take him, Currys PC World, or a hospital?

Stephen Hawking, rest in PC World.

Imagine if you were an Arabic person shopping at Walmart with your son.

Now imagine he got lost and you had to start calling out his name.

...Now imagine his name is "Allahu Akbar."

Robber: This is a robbery, bitch!

Gunsalesman: No u

I have a friend that sells backpacks for a living. You can draw on them using markers of different color variants.

He one day said his business was "remarkable."

I went to the shops yesterday. I bought roast chicken, eggs, and duck. The cashier read $45.99. It was an egg-cellent price!