Restaurant jokes
The next time you get a sack call, pick up the phone and say, "Welcome to Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic. Your loss is next week's sauce. How may we help you?"
Q: Why did the chef get fired?
A: He took cooking advice from Hitler!
Why can’t orphans eat at a family restaurant? Because they don’t have a mom or dad.
Helen Keller walked into a bar, and a table, and chairs.
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
What do you call it when Panera Bread shuts down?
Panera is dead.
Waiter: "Here you go, one medium-rare steak."
Me: "I like it well done."
Waiter: "Thanks, that means a lot!"
What's a cannibal's favourite drink?
A Bloody Mary.
An SQL query goes into a bar, walks up to two tables and asks, "Can I join you?"
I was at the bar late last night when a waitress screamed, "Anyone know CPR?" I said, "Shit, I know all the letters of the alphabet." Everyone laughed, well, except for this one guy.
What type of pizza do they serve on an airplane?
Plane pizza.
Orphan: I'm hungry.
Dad: Let's go to KFC.
Orphan 2: Boy, you don't got a dad!
What does the cannibal eat who comes late for dinner?
The cold shoulder.
What did a cannibal have as his last meal?
Five guys.
Sneed feed seed.
Formerly Chuck's!
I would tell you a pizza joke, but it's too cheesy.
What do you call two Mexicans at a country restaurant? "Two beaners in a cracker house."
Went to my local Indian restaurant and asked the waiter for a chicken tarka Masala.
The waiter said, "What's that?"
I said, "It's the same as a tikka, just a little otter."
What's another place orphans can't work at besides SC Johnson?
The Home Depot.
A man walks into a diner one day, walks up to the counter, and proceeds to order a bowl of chili.
The waitress says that the man sitting next to him just ordered the last bowl they had. That man was just sitting there, not eating the chili.
After watching him not eating for a while, the first man asks him, "Are you going to eat that?"
The second man replies, "No, you can have it if you want."
So the first man takes the bowl and starts eating.
About halfway through the bowl, he's chewing when he feels a crunch. He looks down only to see half a dead rat sitting in the chili.
He immediately throws all of it up, back into the bowl.
The second man looks at him and says, "Yeah, that's about as far as I got too."