Restaurant jokes
My mom told me that she and the owner of a Chinese restaurant made a deal. Now we get free Chinese food. So I ask my mom why do we get free Chinese food? Then my mom said, "I love him long time."
Me and my mom order Chinese food.
My mom grabs the egg roll and starts licking it up and down and sucking on it in front of the Chinese delivery guy. I said, "Why are you doing that?" Then my mom says, "I love him a long time so we don't have to pay for the food."
Welcome to Antonio’s pizza and abortion, where yesterday’s loss is today’s sauce!
A father and his young son go to a restaurant and to keep him occupied, he gives the boy three pennies to play with. Suddenly, the boy starts choking and his face starts turning blue! The father realizes the boy has swallowed the pennies and starts slapping him on the back.
The boy coughs up two of the pennies, but keeps choking.
Looking at his son, panicking, the father starts shouting for help.
A well dressed, serious looking woman, in a blue business suit is sitting at a nearby table reading from her laptop and sipping a cup of coffee.
At the sound of the commotion, she looks up, puts her coffee cup down, gets up from her seat and makes her way, unhurried, across the restaurant.
Reaching the boy, the woman carefully drops his pants, takes hold of the boy’s testicles and starts to squeeze and twist, gently at first and then ever so firmly.
After a few seconds the boy convulses violently and coughs up the last penny, which the woman deftly catches in her free hand.
Releasing the boy’s testicles, the woman walks back to her seat at the coffee bar without saying a word, but keeps the penny.
As soon as he is sure that his son has suffered no ill effects, the father rushes over to the woman and starts thanking her saying, “I’ve never seen anybody do anything like that before, it was fantastic. Are you a doctor?”
“No,” the woman replied. “I’m with the Internal Revenue Service.”
One day, two Chinese people with broken English go to America. When they arrive, they go to a small place to eat. When they look at the menu, they see "hot dog," but since their English is bad, they think it's literally a roasted dog and order it. When it comes back, they're both surprised, and one of them asks,
"What part of the dog did you get?"
My favorite sex position is the McDonald's.
Ba da ba ba ba, I'm lovin' it!
Do you like Wendy's when these nuts hit your face?
What is long and black?
The line at Popeyes.
I had a joke about pizza, it's just too cheesy.
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because KFC was offering free seeds.
You're so fat that when you got to McDonald's, they had to call Wendy's for backup.
Boss: You're fired.
Me: *turns in my gun and my badge*
Boss: You're a waiter. Where did you get those?
What is the best item at a Mexican Burger King?
Hopper Jr.
If someone calls you, just say:
"This is Peter's abortion clinic and pizza restaurant, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce!"
What do you call an ex eating Taco Bell?
Explosion.
Your hairline shape is so badly shaped like a M, me and my friends thought it was McDonald's.
What’s a cannibal's favorite takeaway shop?
The orphanage.
A chicken walks into a bar.
He orders Dr. Pepper.
He then lays a good scrambled egg.
What do you do when a Panera Bread panera breads?
Panera Bread.
Welcome to the roadkill cafe, where yesterday's crash is today's cash.